I stand upon the cliff Confusion
and ponder whether I should leap.
Does Clarity have any purpose
or am I lying to myself again?
The Manic in me rears its head
and I produce in fits and starts,
but soon depression will be all
and I will seek Confusion in the drink.
The Mindless is a blessing wrought
with fear. It offers naught
and yet I seek the gift
full knowing it won’t lift
me from that Cliff.
I ponder if
there’s naught to keep,
but no… I leap.
Shattered.
Mattered.
Lost.
Cost.
Comments
I still
Like it.
I think
this is a good one.
Alid
I wish you'd left the original as I can't remember what's change
although I did read your note. For me, what doesn't sit right is the last four lines; they feel like an awkward extra toe. Without them, I think it flows well and that the free verse does have the feel of racing thoughts. What is it you're unhappy with?
Hard to put my finger on.
I don't like the morph to shorter lines though that is what I intended... to go from essentially iambic pentameter to a one syllable line. Keats wrote an entire poem with single words. I don't know how he did it. The only changes I made was to shorten the first few lines to clean up and make more traditional the meter. Thus to make a larger difference against the ending.
Wes
The morph is subtle at first then you you rhymed in the 4th stanza. I like it
I like the way, like a rope unravelling
you dropped down to your last word. Wes, I have experimented with forms such as Haiku, Tanka etc but this is new to me. In fact, this morphing thing has me a little perplexed.
I enjoyed the write
Cheers
Perplexed.
Indeed. It is deceptively difficult. Thanks for stopping by.
Before I forget... Rula and I have begun a new workshop concerning dramatic verse. I would love to have your input in the shop and you might find it new and curious. I invite you to check out the syllabus (under Storytelling in Verse: Dramatic Verse).
Wesley
I am wearing thin now I have been here an hour so I didn't read any of the above comments
this is a brilliant poem in my humble opinion, one of your best
nothing much to offer really there are a couple of lines that could be improved but I will think on them
tonight I will get back to you tomorrow night
I have a new system I write down the poems I need to come back to, lol I used to forget all the time
big smile
love Jayne xxxx
p.s I wouldn't touch the last stanza its meaning and end are beautifully done
Hiya Jayne
long time no see. I've been wondering how you've been doing.
love Alid