MASK
You always were a flower delicate
that withered in the noon-day sun
a heart that bled for everyone
But your eyes were empty and cold
and pierced my soul with venom
in your serpent dance of lies.
Jul 09, 2014
MASK
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Simply breaking this into two stanzas
would make this poem
MASK
You always were a flower delicate
that withered in the noon-day sun
a heart that bled for everyone
but your eyes were empty and cold
and pierced my soul with venom
with your serpent dance of lies.
will do, Jess. Thanks for
will do, Jess. Thanks for reading ,me, my friend,
joe
nice imagery
throughout.
I thought some punctuation can be added for a smoother read.
Thanks for sharing
Thank you, Rula. I will take
Thank you, Rula. I will take another look
exquisite
exquisite imagery
what a command of the English language
Just lovely
inspirational poetry
Thank you ,dear friend.
Thank you ,dear friend. Always an encouragement.
joe
hope ur much better
read this and then I will delete it
in one breath
read without a break or brake
then see if ur fit
Lovely free advice
rest in peace as you say when I go places my purse goes into pieces I accompany my grand children to various functions and my daughter stares at me wow you have swindled me taken away all that I had saved better next time stay away stay home and with the dog do play but then don't eat all dog biscuits too these are expensive and very few so I relax meditate the doctors come to my gate have you been ill of late I state how did you know they say your blood pressure is so low they give me a few shots and ask for bucks who what the fucks who called them in my neighbours called tom and tin they were rather thin and the doc thought twas I and we were caught of thirty bucks shy my daughter did cry popu now back home you fly So much for the relaxation sir let me not come to your abode so near don't fear my daughter is brave she will be happy to see the neighbours soon in their grave I shall stay have more time to pass away so sir let me for a wee while more in your company stay ere you too pass away...(((((( fun read
We come into this world
We come into this world struggling and fighting and alone; we go out the same way. The extended family no longer exist where loved ones make your passing easier.
joe
Joe
Well done.Got nothing to add. This is already fine as it is.
Alid
Thank you my friend,,,, joe
Thank you my friend,,,,
joe
A potent poem like a
A potent poem like a poisonous draft,
we sense the drama in this, feel the sting.
Well expressed, Love Anni
Thank you, Anni. Read my
Thank you, Anni. Read my comment to Loved. A sensitive and fine heart is he,
Joe
Joe
A good write
expressing something outside of your present state
which makes it that much more,
Yours Ian.T
Yes.
Yes.