her love lifted me to the Sun,
The heart-break moulted my wings,
i crashland into a sea of despair.
Dec 14, 2012
icarus
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
mixed metaphor
Icarus flew too close to the sun, not to angelic heights.
It spoils such a short poem.
Better
I like this short piece, it affects me.
Zeus
You could have saved Icarus from falling, I read both the original and the edited piece and as Jess says it is the second version that s true to myth.
Yet another picture of heartbreak, we build things up and sometimes have to be there when they come crashing down.
The way is eternal, a good write!
Yours Ian.T
Zeussirius
it is considered polite to reply, or at least acknowledge, commentary given to your poem. You are welcome to disagree with critique given.
Thanks to everyone who
Thanks to everyone who commented and I am sorry for not replying on time, I've been busy. So I should go with the second version right?
I would
it just makes more sense. Just my opinion.
The second version it is,
The second version it is, thank you everyone. Cheers.