Laying down in this field just resting.
Resting from life’s riggers
just for a minute.
But never to rise again from an eternal sleep.
A green blanket tucked about their heads.
So many are they now.
In their counting that inevitable question,
When will I increase their
count by just one more.
May 26, 2014
Friends Just Resting
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Capt
I think that you need to expand this a lot more or make it more positive with the white crosses rising as an army after an army has ploughed into this land.
Or if of the green fields of home then the undulations that keep the rest secure.
Anything to make a story of this it is more statement in this form.
Hope you understand what I am saying,
Yours Ian.T
John
unlike what Ian thinks, I thought this is a complete thought.
What I understand is that you demeen yourself. They are many but you are only "one"
But don't forget that you are one of many to them too.
I like how each interpret the same piece differently. I thought this is good.
Thank you.