Emerald City

This piece is packed with imagery. It's the tale of the dark side of life.Love it!

Alid

Long time no post. I read your comment on Jess' poem. I feel your pain. Comments have often been rare for me on the sight, just thankful to have folks like you who have always tended to stop by so I shall re-pay in kind.

I'm not much for the title. Seems cliche and a little lost on the scene.

I actually missed the rhyme scheme until S2. This is good because the flow was there and I paid no mind to the rhyme, even more so given the uneven meter of the lines.

I like the theme, even though it is common. But only because you bring that "Lonnie" touch to it.

Hope to find my way back to the site more often and when I do find your work.

Scott

Like it loads, a true picture of life on mean streets. No crits. Regards Roscoe...

oz...
the wizards van...
transformations
drawbridge...doorman
opium sleeps

farmhouse door
screen lost
in the scream of wind
the curtian screen
parted by the curious dog

i remember the nights
the cries aloud in the parks
the quiet pockets and glades
and trails where refuge was
to be lost without being lost

the doors in the house
drug of choice in every room
and love of descriptions
lost in the brilliance of day
the roar of the workies and traffic
in their flocks sunup to sundown

but that rush...that rising glow
from the bitter rancid twist of
tin tops and heated glass
the submergence and releasing
pressure gripping the soul
the middle

animal emergence and something
darker in glittering eyes from
the lost to the newly found looking
from a rage and boredom
and cold prowl the shinning eyes
dead or alive in the light

oz promised all our modern
world could then..technicolor
and promise of war outbreak
flying monkeys
choice of eye color
and flat monitors to see the
whereabouts of all
things desired

from ruby promises
and wishes of home

emerald city was a gated land
gaurds and check point charleys
the magician ascending

decending from all the fresh
Kansases

hell to hell with a hit shot snort
and ingested spell...

intensely cast poem Lonnie
from a land i toured
long long ago

thank you!

I like that the structure and rhyming scheme are not intrusive.

The content bothers me a little, as it should, but perhaps not for the reasons you intended. It is a highly evocative description of the dark side of urban living but it is just that, a description, a portrait if you will. Personally I would like to see the content have purpose, like an intimation of the causes of this dark and ghastly situation and possible remedies. Then again it is your own poem and your own intent.

A great view of the city and well written, so real in your words.
The children talk of a place they call the crystal city, which is much different to this one, but that's another story of theirs.
Great write take care and know you are in our thoughts ,
Yours Ian.T

I am glad that I didn't miss this one. It captures the very essence of the turmoil which you have scripted even though you have concluded with a fact of life that there is very little one can do about these bizarre facts of life and yet it also demonstrates your sensitivities and profile these incidents so graphically in a poetic form.

I liked the title as well.

Regards,

My apologies for my brain attack.
I think it is time you gave something back. Each poem has a flaw and it is only generous to help other people improve their work.

But in my own manner I came to the connection of the title to the content. it is a biopic cross section of the underbelly of society. Nothing pretty about it. I cringed at the stanza with the 13 year old, because it is feasible for such things to be. I am so stoked that the Occupy movement has come to something, the Tiny House movement, where private land is being allotted for erection of tiny houses to house homeless people.

In ink,
david

Its all been said before me, a beautiful write on a sad situation...kudos

love to you both Jayne xxx