Samaira
Apr 11, 2014

The spectator

Happily chirping
And flying about
I saw you
Basking in sunlight
Agile
Singing your own song

Picking up bread crumbs
Sitting unaware
I saw you
Getting caught
Caged
Taken away

Inside a golden cage
Hung in a garden
I saw you
Asked to sing
Listless
Sitting in a corner

Being fed
Fresh nuts and water
I saw you
Looking through the bars
Sad
Longing to get out

Suddenly a hand
Opened the cage
I saw you
Stepping behind
Hesitant
Before you flew away

Happily chirping
And flying about
I see you
Basking in sunlight
Agile
Singing your own song

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: CHE

More from this author

Comments

Ian.T

I liked this one, now we can see the field of feelings going out from being held against your will to being freed to the world that you always longed for,
Look forward to more of your writes, Yours Ian.T

R

raj

11 years ago

Welcome back. I too enjoyed this poem where you have created the contrast between being held captive and then set free. I like the little pause created by "I saw you Stepping behind Hesitant" wherein obviously the hesitation is due to being accustomed to getting fed by doing nothing but then realizing there is more joy in being set free even though one has to start struggling to earn bread.. Looking forward \to you posting more...

Regards.

L

One of the best analogies for the concepts of freedom and bondage I have read in many a moon! You should be pleased and proud of this!

S

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Please keep reading my work and suggest any changes/improvement .
Cheers,
Sam.