Who says this love, our love
Shall fade into the mists of time?
I lay my heart like a rainbow field before your feet
Walk with me into time
Into time beyond time
For even as the ages pass
Ours shall always be melodies
Like the sweet songs nestling in the olives,
- the honeyed tunes amid the hollies
Lie beside me in this grove,
Oh gentle love
Whisper to me
Fill the void in my soul
And calm the shrills amid the cold
Even as time has passed
Oh gentle dove
I will still lay my heart like a rainbow field before your feet
To walk, hand-in-hand, with me across the seasons
- Into immortality
- Into eternity
Comments
WG
A lovely piece of writing
Good to see you here again,
I think that Wesley would like to see your Name
On a workshop list he has,
Yours Ian.T
many thanks Ian T. yeah, it
many thanks Ian T. yeah, it feels good to be back here again
difficult making time to come online. but looking forward to
joining one of the workshops. Ms. Babara offered an invitation
to one hers. still got it on my mind and hopefully will join.
many thanks once again for the read. bless
Hello
Who says this love, our love
Shall fade into the mists of time?
I lay my heart (like) a rainbow field before your feet
Walk with me into time
( Into time) beyond time
For even as the ages pass
Ours shall always be melodies
( Like) the sweet songs nestling in the olives,
- the honeyed tunes amid the hollies
Lie beside me in this grove,
Oh gentle love
Whisper to me
Fill the void in my soul
And calm the shrills amid the cold
Even as time has passed
Oh gentle dove
I will still lay my heart (like) a rainbow field before your feet
To walk, hand-in-hand, with me across the seasons
- Into immortality
- Into eternity
Hello WG,
A lovely writing,
I just thought that dropping the words between the brackets would make it more powerful. Just thoughts
you can take or leave as you see appropriate.
Thanks for sharing.
Rula, I find your formatting
Rula, I find your formatting style intriguing. never really thought about it. first time for everything. Lol
bless
Hello WG
I do have a poem with the same theme but it is nowhere as good as this one. Thank you for sharing this lovely piece with us. This will be a good reference for me as I try to improve on my writing skills;)
Alid
Alid, what I love most about
Alid, what I love most about neopoet is the platform it has made available for members to learn from one another's works. (I do more reading at neopoet than write.lol. learning from the masters)
thanks for the read again.
Hello WG
I find this poem to be wistful and beautiful. The only thing that I'd suggest is to find some alternates for using "time" so much. As a sample for alternate words in stanza 1, line 2 you could use memories instead yet still not affect what you're conveying. Or stanza 4, line 1 you could say even as the years have passed. Or you can just tell me to keep my opinions to myself lol.............stan
you are right Jess.
you are right Jess. repetition in this poem makes a bit boring. and yes, your opinions do count. a lot. I always like to empty my cup. lol
bless