aunt Jennifer's tigers tame across the screen
splatter topaz denizens of a world of green
they do not fell the men falling the tree
they sprig sleek chivalric certainty
aunt Jennifer's fingers fiend through her wool
find even the ivory woven hard to ghoul
the sepia weight of uncle's brown band
sits coupon upon aunt poesy's hand
when aunt is dead her terrified hands will lie
still papyrus with ordeals she was mastered by
the tigers in the same that she made
will go on prancing , proud and fade
AUNT JENNIFER'S TIGERS by Adrienne Rich
Aunt Jennifer's tigers................across the screen,
.........topaz denizens of a world of green.
They do not .........the men....the tree;
They ........ .. sleek chivalric certainty.
Aunt Jennifer's fingers............. through her wool
Find even the ivory......... hard to ............
The ..........weight of Uncle's .........band
Sits ..........upon Aunt.............hand
When Aunt is dead her terrified hands will lie
Still ......with ordeals she was mastered by.
The tigers in the ...........that she made
Will go on prancing, proud and ............
Comments
Hi Emeka
you need to add the original one that Stan has assigned to you underneath this piece so that we can see where are the areas that you have put in your words. That will help us when we are commenting on it.
Alid
Emeka
As pointed out by Alid, please provide the version with blanks provided by Stan immediately below your completed poem, which would help other participants to see how you have filled up the blanks. I think your attempt is god considering the limitations of reproducing the poem as close as possible to the original. Let us wait for Stan to provide the original...
emeka
I wonder why don't you respond to other's comment. It is all for the benefit of the poet.
In addition to what Khalid and Raj asked you, you need to edit and choose the workshop's name from the dropping window so that it will be included within the workshop's poems, otherwise, you won't have any comments on your work.
I hope this makes sense.
Let's
give emeka a bit more time. The real world might be making unexpected demand on his time.........stan
Hello Emeka,
Well.
For the first time since I began reading your poetry, I find you writing a piece that makes some sense.
I cannot comment on what the others have told you to do here, except to say that it would be nice to see the foundation that you built this poem from.
I don't think that this is great poetry - although it does have its moments - but for the very first time, you're building images and emotions in my mind and heart that were sadly abscent from your work, until this poem. Given who your favorite poets are, I have been waiting to see the first glimmerings of okigbo and soyinka in your poems, and at last they are beginning to show themselves.
I will not comment on your syntax, grammer, or structure, since I am not a part of Stan's workshop (Hi Stan!), but I will say this: first of all, keep doing the workshops, they are helping you to improve. Secondly, RESPOND TO THOSE WHO COMMENT ON AND CRITICIZE YOUR WORK. Sorry for shouting like that, but at this juncture, when your poetry is starting to come together, it is critical that you interact with those who are commenting on your poems. Don't get angry, don't get frustrated, set aside all pride, read carefully what they have to say, take a deep breath, stand back, look at your writing from their perspective, and try some of their ideas and suggestions. But talk to them.
this poem shows me the potential that you have to be not just a good poet, but a great one, So take the advice I and others have given you, and keep writing.
Good morning Jim
How nice to see you.
I agree with what you've said here. Every word you said is right. Thank you.
Hello Emeka
I think you did your best to guess what are the images the author wanted. Unfortunately, the first and the third stanzas don't make much sense to me, where when I read stanza 2 it isn't bad but as a whole I think the images painted didn't work together to give the reader a clear read. however, this is only me. Let's see what others think.
Waiting to read the original.
line two is a combination
line two is a combination between her love for poetry and her lover