The Witness

The witness of the Holy Ghost
tells of truth in our hearts and minds.
He whispers in a still small voice
the truths of the gospel law.

How can we not know the truth
when He was sent from God above.

Be ye baptized in My name
with authority from God
and He will descend from above
and speak to the desires
of your heart.

Be thou blessed in this endeavor
and you will never wonder why.
It is for you to ask and He will abide.

Lead not your thoughts into temptation
for He cannot abide with thee.
A sinful heart cannot contain
the presence from God above.

Be ye therefore a happy soul
and witness to Me above.
The treasures of your heart to Me
and I will cause you to love.

Listen to the still small voice
and you cannot be led away.
For in Me is your strength
and My light is the way.

By: Sharon Jones

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Idaho, USA

Comments

Sharon

I note that you have requested moderate constructive criticism. I am not one for kid gloves, but will do my best to not overstep as no one else has seen fit to comment.

The title does not draw me in. It is vague as to your content.

The language swayed back and forth between modern and "historical" for lack of a better term. Try and stay with one or the other.

I did not find a discernible pattern or pace. What were you working towards?

The theme does not appeal to me, but that does not mean that it won't appeal to many. I will say that it is an overdone theme that makes it very difficult to write something original.

I felt like both the beginning and the end could have been stronger. Draw me in hard and then leave me wanting more.

the internal logic is consistent.

Hope this helps and wasn't too harsh

Scott

Thanks!

Thank you for your critique. I really appreciate the time you took. I will keep your comments in mind.

Sharon

This theme is as old as religion itself, not many will like it.
Step out of the run of what you believe in and your teachings.
There are many good teachers here on Neopoet and they will shy away from something so religious, write about your feelings of what you have seen and what has happened in your life, most of your lines have been used a few times, Take us on a walk where you live, show us the road, the trees and let us feel the same energy from you in other writes,
Yours Ian.T

Thanks!

Thank you for the critique and I will.