Once walking in old Baltimore
Heart-free, soul-filled with glee
I saw a Baltimorean
was looking back at me
Now I was eight and very shy
and he was no mud digger
and so I smiled, but he poked out
his tongue and named me Nigger
I saw no more of Baltimore
from then until December
of all the things that happened here
that's all I remember
----
INCIDENT by Countee Cullen
Once ....in old Baltimore
Heart-...., .......- filled with glee
I saw a Baltimorean
...........looking.......at me
Now I was eight and very............
and he was no ...........
and so I smiled, but he..... .....
his tongue... ...... ...Nigger
I saw ... ....of Baltimore
...............until December
of all the things .... .... ....
that's all I remember
Comments
well done
I think you did very well.
Love
Alid
Alid
Thank you it wasn't as easy as it looked
Love Jayne x
Jayne
This looks like you did a fine job. The poem makes a lot of sense as you gave careful thought top the words you have filled in. I have never read the original but this looks good
Chrys
Given the subject matter I gave it a lot of thought I actually did it about ten times before I was happy with the result, I am still to read the original and I have to say I am anxious to find out how far out I was, Thanks hun
love Jayne x
Jayne
I guess you have done a splendid job by filling in your words in place of ellipsis and they I believe fit perfectly to make sense in the context of what was made available to you. I would be surprised if the original is different than what you have done.
Raj
For me the two big clues were the title and the word nigger, I think they really were crucial clues I then put myself in that headspace I actually sat for a while the first night just filling in the words randomly and then after sleeping on it I decided to bite the bullet and have a crack at it, it wasn't as easy as it looked I struggled a little on a couple of lines the worst line for me was the second line of the second stanza I really had trouble filling in those blanks.
I am sure the original is very different from what I have here I really have no clue
love and hugs Jayne x
Jayne
I guess you must have loved solving jigsaw puzzles as a kid and may be even now :)
much love n hugs...
Big Smile Raj
I love crosswords and jigsaw puzzles I love solving things I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have done something else other than music I was very good at math's and science so who knows and I am not too old to start now but my love of the written word well that's my true love affair, one day I might even write a great poem lol
love and hugs Jayne x
Hi Jayne
Reading your comments to Raj make me smile. See, to me you have written a few great poems here. Its no longer a matter of writing a great poem, the real question is how many more are you going to write. Unless of course your definition of the word "great" is different than mine. Keep on writing.
love and hugs
Alid
well done
Dear jayn.
I really loved what you did here. You've captured the memories of that little boy vividly.
Bravo!!
Dear Rula
Thank you, I have to say I struggled and I had trouble so I slept on it the first night, I just hope I did it justice, but I am happy with how everyone has received it
love Jayne x
Rula
I was wondering what progress you have made with your assignment. I was going to call 999 and find out why you are bunking Stan's Workshop :)
raj
Thanks for your concerns. I had some family commitments by the weekend but it's ready on the stream now , so no need to call 999 :)
checking it now, Rula
let's see.....
Alid
Bravo.
Good meter and imaginative rhyme. The only thing I didn't like was the last line. Your meter is flawless throughout save there. You need one more syllable.
"that word's all I remember" Don't use this suggestion, but find one of your own. I wanted to show you where the meter in the last line didn't match the rest of the poem.
The rest is superlative.
Wesley
I don't know about the last line as it is as Stan gave it to me but after checking your right, maybe there was a missed word in copying the poem the last line was left as is I wasn't meant to add anything there weird, I am really happy you liked what I did it wasn't an easy assignment I had to mull on it overnight, Thanks so much for taking time to check it out
love Jayne x
at least you're through
my headache is just beginning.. very,very,very tempted to check the original poem but so far i managed to resist.pray for me, angel....pls
Love
Alid
Alid
I am sure you will be fine its an exercise or homework its designed to help you better your knowledge don't give into temptation lol that would defeat the purpose...don't tie yourself in knots OK ?...I will have a look asap after you post it
Love Jayne xxx
Hey, Angel
can I ask you something? I thought you could post more than one poem for a workshop without waiting for the 23hr rule to expire but I can't get around it .errr... any ideas how to tackle this problem?
Help
Alid
Pls
Alid
You should be able to post, that's really strange maybe the sites hit another glitch hmmm talk to Stan he can sort out tech problems quicker than I can I'm no longer in the know of these things anymore...oooo make sure when your submitting that you click the workshop tab until you do it won't let you get around the 23 hr rule that could be your problem ?
Love Jayne xxx
hey jayne
I've just posted my assignment but something's not right. You can see for yourself in the stream and read my comment in the workshop page. its driving me nuts!
Alid
hi
Did you hit the button which designated your shop poem as such?...........stan
yes
I did, Stan.
Alid
well.....
That's the end of my computer expertise lol. Darned bugs seem to be multiplying
Hi Jayne
It's apparent I should have chosen another poem for you because you did this too well lol. I'll post original here this evening............stan
Stan
I have refrained from reading the original so I can say I cant wait to be put out of my misery, ? did it too well ? I am tempted to go read it now...
love Jayne x
Original poem
Incident by Countee Cullen
Once riding in old Baltimore,
Heart-filled, head-filled with glee,
I saw a Baltimorean
Keep looking straight at me.
Now I was eight and very small,
And he was no whit bigger,
And so I smiled, but he poked out
His tongue at me, and called me," Nigger."
I saw the whole of Baltimore
From May until December;
Of all the things that happened there
That's all that I remember
See what I mean by this being too easy for you lol? BTW please define what a "mud digger"is..........stan
Stan
Omg I cant believe how close I was to the original though I have to say I gave it great thought before I did my edit, I am stunned tbh... and the definition of mud digger is...
Web definitions
ditch digger: a laborer who digs ditches
but I am also ashamed to say its a slang term for nigger here in Aussie
Billy lid is a kid
mud digger is a nigger
get my meaning
love Jayne
Hi
"nigger" is base slang here for a black person lol. Honky is a white person...........stan