I saw a "once upon a time" today
become a story on the evening news
and I agonized that such elation
would devolve into routine tragedy,
and puzzled over the circumstances
and speculated on the injuries
that would bleed the joy and pale the wonder
and forsake the corpse of "ever after"
to lie, dimmed, beside the lifeless body
of joy dissolved in a vat of despair
while "happily" wept the heart wrenching tears
of a future barren and sown with salt.
I shook my head, quietly, as I sipped
my scotch and randomly changed the channel.
Mar 03, 2014
In the Study One Night With Single Malt
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is pentameter blank verse in the Sonnet format.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Jonathan
You want the raw truth and that's I cant help improve this, its bloody good, though I thought the ending was a little soft, I wanted an epiphany but that's just me...always looking for answers...
I said the other day, I don't know what your doing or where all this is coming from, please don't stop now
I am thoroughly enjoying the journey
love Jayne x