She'd write a poem
though she's not Emily
and sing her melodies
just like a robin.
She'd fly up high
with no real limb
and paint a rainbow
with ringing colors.
She'd freely dance
and read a book
and give a hand
while others seem hooked,
and if you stare
or have a glance
you'd only see
two balls of glass.
Inspired by this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r7Dh46PKQc
Last Few Words: "Determination" is another possible title. Please vote:
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
You are getting more esoteric each day.
I like it. No more Mrs. Simple Rula.
"esoteric"
is a new word for me. Is it positive?
Loved Strand's quote.
Esoteric.
Pertaining to information understood only by a select few. Special. Actually it was a French school (I believe) of artists in the 18th century (I think) that explored very unique avenues for their art, hence the term "esoteric" becoming synonymous with unique and different. It can be positive or negative.
Wesley
After reading your explanation of the word "Esoteric" and its probable word history, I wonder why you say it can be positive or negative? I didn't see negativism in that. Would welcome to read your thoughts on that. I'm sure you would have an explanation because without it you wouldn't have said it.
Regards,
Till Wesley is giving his explanation
I think what he meant by "esoteric" being negative when it is related to an art, is that only few will read or enjoy that art, whereas we-as poets- seek a universal audience. I like many, would like to be read all over the world, not only by limited ones.
At least what I understood.
Sir
If you're within the "few", the "special", I am well satisfied. If not, I'm definetely then a loser.
I Can't thank you enough
Rula,
I was about to suggest use of "limbs" in place of "hands", However, after looking at the video i know why you preferred "limbs". You have done a great job not just by your write, in doing so you have paid a rich tribute to this woman for letting the world know "wherever there is a will, there is way" which is why the title is also spot on. I am going to share your poem and the video with many.. You have made my day for sure and I hope everyone takes a look at this amazing video via the hyperlink you have provided....
Regards,
If you watch the video
I think you'd better get the theme. It is about the determination of those with "Special needs" , the "handicapped" if you like.
The one in my poem is blind " with glass balls"
Does it make any sense? If not would you and others point it out ? I mean the difficulty
Rula
After watching the video via the link which made me "shut up" and reading your poem and your comment, i guess you used "glass balls" in the context of:-
1. To depict eye balls
2. Even if glass balls were transplanted in place of the eyeballs, the blind person could see more of life while overcoming all obstacles / handicaps with sheer will power and determination.
3. It is an Eye Opener
I hope i read it right. thanks again for posting this.
Regards,
Exactly Raj
I wouldn't have said it better myself
I am really pleased to know you like it and pleased me too to know you're going to share it with your company.
Thank you that much.
Had to admit it though
You've given it a wider thought than I actually did. But I LOVED the thought you've put in these two little words "glass balls"
Thanks again Raj.
Rula
I forgot to add one more which is "Though deprived of sight, she more than made up with her vision"
Regards,
Invaluable
add raj
always appreciate your visits.
hello Rula
this is really good!
but I would like this just a bit more pure if you know what I mean
I often leave the poem for a couple of days and then I come back
to see if there's something to add
because it becomes clearer and
it's easier to notice mistakes
Hello Emina
I am happy to see I've win a new reader of mine. NOTHING pleases more. Wesley's "esoteric" idea made me feel terrified. I did some edits. I am not sure I understand what you mean with "more pure". Please never hesitate to point out any flaws. I am always open to everyone's suggestions and thoughts.
Your visit is invaluable.
Hi Rula
watching the video made my jaw drop. that woman is amazing. this poem is beautiful, nothing less than what one can expect from a poet of your caliber. Well done.
Alid
Khalid
thanks for the kind words and the comment.
Esoteric.
I think it could be used in a negative way by suggesting the speaker is haughty and hiding their opinions in a superior language use.
Positive as it represents a subtle use of language.
Everything is in how you utilize it.
I am sure
I am not the first, so, I'd assume I am esoteric (a VERY difficult word. I am trying to memorise since yesterday and every time I had to recheck its spelling) in a positive way.LOL
Thanks sir for the explanation.
Beautiful work Rula, nothing
Beautiful work Rula, nothing to suggest here
I watched the video amazing the human capacity to adapt
love Jayne x
Dearest Jayne
I agree that the video certainly demonstrates to each one of us the amazing capacity of human beings to adapt to a situation. It also belittles the problems which we find difficult to cope up with. I hope you know why I am saying it in response to your comment :)