William Saint George

Feb 21, 2014

Monster

It is the many hidden truths
that get to me,
the lies, the little ones
especially,
the kind words
that fail to mask
the trouble in your eyes.

The vision was still born
and those doctors cut some chords,
they put her bloody
in a rubber sack and labeled it
with a date,
but not a name.

And now detached, my mind
ascends and looks back
on the signs you dropped
along the way,
the hints and all, I've come to know,
to hate myself a little more,
and to love a little less,
because most men are monsters
and I am all alone.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare

Comments

Where did this come from?

Someone pea in your Cheerios?
I need to say this: it pleases me to work through one of your poems and not find a single typographical botch. Proofreading is a wonderful thing, for it allows me to just "read" the poem and not get tripped up by something I need to point out.
I miss your more traditional stuff, but this has language that makes up for it. I will never truly like verso libre, but this is still very good. Depressing, but good.
I have no suggestions.

I'm quite enjoying free verse

I'm quite enjoying free verse. Just before last year I started learning about post modernist poetry. That's what's motivated most of my writing lately.

Other events have made my poems more depressing too.

agree with wesley

this one is depressing but very good.

Alid

Black cloud calling...

I applaud the 'libre verso'...it's a trend that's really getting up Wesley's nose at the moment! (he know's I think his work is classy, so he won't be offended!)

Clearly, depressing emotional states can sometimes create fertile creativity. However, the irony I've found is, I can be quite blissfully happy and put on my alter ego for writing. The output can be shocking and on the edge of an abyss!

If you want to go all out with freeform try breaking up a few lines for even greater impact. In free verse, each piece of vocabulary has to work hard for it's effect. Try also creating half-rhymes and assonance/ alliteration to 'hook' the ear and give a bit of momentum to the stanzas.

Ells :)

Thanks Ells

I usually don't have that irony in my writing: almost all my poems are reactions to current events, and almost always reflect something of my present mental/emotional state. My string of depressing poems all point to the spell I'm currently in. There's often bright spots of happiness, but the darkness still lingers.

When I'm truly happy, I find it difficult to write like this.

I don't think I'm quite prepared to go all out free-form just yet. Unless a (hint) workshop forces me to. I'm still getting a feel for writing post-modernist free verse.

love JC xxx

Thanks JC .

Thanks JC