Too many times I have sat and watched as
you have told the little lies you tell to
explain away your actions and begin
the tired process of justifying your
callous behavior and desperately
horrid statements whose only purpose is
to viciously demean and brazenly
cower any small voice of compassion
directed toward those you savage as the
vile entertainment that is your sad life.
Then I recall these conversations are
just another aspect of my illness.
Feb 17, 2014
In Daylight, On a Park Bench, One Summer
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a thought experiment, not an autobiographical piece. It is written in pentameter blank verse without regard to iamb or other structure. I have seen people lie to themselves in order to rationalize destructive behavior. Sometimes it is just a matter of insecurities overwhelming common decency. Other times it is actual illness. Illness should be treated. I wanted the title to have two distinct meanings. When you begin reading it, I wanted you to believe this was a conversation between two folks, one, perhaps a friend or the victim of an abusive relationship. When you finished the poem, I wanted the title to hit home as a scene you may have witnessed as a person beyond your capacity to save ranted at themselves. I don't have an answer here, I am just presenting a series of thoughts.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
This is the best poem I've
This is the best poem I've read all week.
.
Jonathan
I think you know I have battled schizophrenia for many years, when I read this I was reminded of someone I met in hospital when I was quite ill, he used to spin me out quite badly he was one minute the true meaning of evil the next the most placid, nice bloke, you could ever meet, I don't think your poem was meant to provoke such a reaction but it did, I am fortunate that my illness makes me probably weaker and more vulnerable than most and in another way unfortunate... two sides to every coin
I agree with William this is a brilliant poem I can find nothing to suggest
love JC x
Jonathan
This poem says so much in so few words which in itself is a testimony of your prowess. A pleasure read. Thanks for posting.
Regards,
You are all very kind and I
You are all very kind and I appreciate your comments.
Although I do not suffer from mental illness, people who have been in my life for a very long time do and I know that all the hurtful words and actions directed towards them do not hurt more than their daily struggle.
Helo Johnathan
It's not just those who suffer from mental illness who go out of their way to justify actions of which they are not proud. Likely the worst of them are in DC lol..........stan
Whoa.
... and only two sentences.
I am manic depressive with paranoid tendencies and mild psychosis (I hear music in my ears that isn't there).
I am not dangerous, but have met many who are. I want to think that my emotional traumas lend themselves to my art, but mostly they are nothing more than a burden... to me and to those who love me.
I'm with you Seren.