wesley snow
By wesley snow, 9 January, 2016
Participants
wesley snow
Rula
alidzain
scribbler
Joan Rolls
Geezer
Barbara Writes
Skill level
Olympic Pool
Date
-
Short description
DON'T PANIC. They seem hard at first, but are really quite simple.
wesley snow

This will be the first of three shops dealing with some of the smaller classical forms. These are all forms from the Renaissance period or earlier, so we are dealing with some very old forms.

The first form is the Terza Rima.
Terza Rima is a series of three line stanzas in CHAIN RHYME: a-b-a, b-c-b, c-d-c, and so on.
It can be as short as two stanzas or as long as Dante’s Divine Comedia.
The usual meter is iambic pentameter, but any meter can be used.

Now, the final stanza (an extra stanza) is a quatrain instead of a triplet. Listen carefully:
The first line of the quatrain rhymes with the middle line of the preceding triplet as well as with the third line of the quatrain. The second and fourth lines rhyme with each other.

That is a Terza Rima.

The literal translation of Terza Rima is “third rhyme”.
Go for it. When questions arise or comments on its history please post them.
We have seven days and then I will move on to the Ottava Rima.

wesley snow

I get excited. We have seven days from the fourteenth on. I have simply given you a head start.

Everyone needs to get on this thread.

wesley snow

I get excited. We have seven days from the fourteenth on. I have simply given you a head start.

Everyone needs to get on this thread.

Rula

Rula

9 years 3 months ago

with you on this page sir.

wesley snow

My first victim. Have a look at Terza Rima.
Short but tough.
I will post my example soon.

Geezer

it looks like it would be challenging, I'm in. ~ Gee

wesley snow

A Terza Rima

I met a man who just the other day
declared he wrote his poetry for me.
“But we have only met…” I tried to say.

He silenced me and said he did agree,
yet still each poem he writes is surely mine.
I asked him to explain that I might see.

He then quote poesy laudable and fine,
so listened I and watched his old eyes tear
while failing hide the shiver in my spine.

“Now, tell me if you will and say it clear,”
The poet challenged me, though gently spoke.
“that you own not what I compelled you hear.”

No answer could I give, my heart was broke,
but he seemed satisfied with my response.
He doubtless saw my eyes and heard me choke.

“You see, I’ve placed a candle in the sconce
to shed some light inside of you, my friend,
but it was you who lit it for the nonce.

I wrote the poem for you to heartache mend,
though never have I known what plagues you most,
then you allowed the poem to stir and rend.

Is this not ownership or do I boast?”
Again I could not speak, but looked anew
at his frail form so pale he seemed a ghost.

The poet’s explanation was quite true.
The poem belongs to me, though I must share.
It seems it were the least that I might do.

And so, grown bold, I risked a selfish dare.
“Might I entreat another, my good man?”
‘Twas then he smiled the first appearing fair.

He took my arm, though his shook like a fan.
The palsy made him seem impaired and old,
but on he led, this agéd artisan
as he quote poesy more than hearts can hold.

lovedly

He then quote poesy laudable and fine,

He then quote poesy laudable and fine,

He then quoted..... poesy laudable and fine,
or
He then did quote... poesy laudable and fine,

just struck me like lightning SNOW Sir

HERE no more snow

wesley snow

Remember! A Terza Rima may be as short as two stanzas and the envoy or as long as Dante.
Mine has a little length to it which is my style, but your example needn't be as long.

Rula

Rula

9 years 3 months ago

I shall add you now.
Should we submit here or on stream sir?

wesley snow

Here's how we will work it. Put together something that looks like a Terza Rima. If you think it rocks and follows the criteria... put it on the Stream and let everyone at it.
If you think you need some help with it first then post it here on this thread and we will all discuss it.

Welcome Barbara.

alidzain

I've already posted mine. Send in your critiques and comments, please.

Alid

Joan Rolls

i found this one quite difficult. Here's my first draft. Terza rima.
Please critique!

JOEY
I saw your mum, so still, so sad to die
so near my house, her legs in air, eyes blank
I knew her face and prayed her soul to fly

I didn’t see the killer, car or tank?
We moved her body gently off the street
the day was hot, not long before she stank.

The flies arrived to feed, your mum was meat.
Her belly moved, I reached inside her pouch
And found you there, my heart it missed a beat

So safely curled within that fleshy couch
Oh bub it was so hard to take you out
You live because you’re strong, for that I vouch
A kangaroo should live to jump about.

alidzain

There's a disrupt in meter in this verse-

"So hot already, not long before she stank."
Here is how I parse it.
So HOT/ al-REA/-dy NOT/LONG be/-FORE she/ STANK.

Alid

Rula

Joan submitted her terza rima to the stream and did some edits. She didn't hit however the workshop button. Maybe that's why you didn't realize it is there.

Rula

Rula

9 years 3 months ago

This is a mix of funny and sad terza rima.
It kept my attention till I got to the last few lines.
Some lines are longer than pentameter. You might like to work them out.
But I have alredy enjoyed reading this.
Well done dear!!

Rula

The form is not that strict as a sonnet for example so I am not sure that Joan wants to change or rework. As sir Wesley mentioned, it is more that the rhyme scheme that matters which is quite well

Joan Rolls

Hello rula.thanks for comments. I did try to get the meter right but the rhyme was priority. Any suggestions on improving meter would be appreciated. Ps. Found out yesterday joey was doing well and is a male! Thanks joan

wesley snow

Now, here's how it works classically. The meter is of secondary importance and any meter will do, but it must be a consistent meter. I wouldn't concern myself over much with it right now, but you might do well to ask one of the mentors (there are five of us... including me) to help you with meter on a one to one basis. It's a faster learn that way.
I'd be glad to help.

Rula

Didn't hear from Wesley in a while. Hope he's well. Maybe he's facing problems with his computer again.
I'll wait for him till tomorrow before we move to the next form.

Barbara Writes

I'm unable to put in the mental ability. My I finally after using the cognitive brain training app that my cognitive is really bad.. After using the app i am rather pathetic. Grins. I catched on to the other brain training app rather quickly. Grins but not with this one. Once i caught on, I soon got totally confused and had to start over. Story of my life.
I can't on on the concept long enough then my eyes go blurred and I can't continue.

This structure and style sound fun and I'd love to participate and learn it.
Doctor are useless at telling you what's wrong then treating you. Lol I'll never quit trying though.

Rula

Rula

9 years 3 months ago

I am sorry to hear you're not feeling well. No worries as for the job. You can join anytime you feel better.
Take care dear.

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Ok. everyone let's move on to the next form hoping for Mr. Snow to heal and show up soon.

 

The Ottava Rima - according to Wikipedia - is a rhyming stanza form of Italian origin. Originally used for long poems on heroic themes, it later came to be popular in the writing of mock-heroic works. Its earliest known use is in the writings of Giovanni Boccaccio.

The ottava rima stanza in English consists of eight iambic lines, usually iambic pentameters. Each stanza consists of three alternate rhymes and one double rhyme, following the a-b-a-b-a-b-c-c pattern. 

It can also be a two octive poem.abababcc, dededeff

or
three octive poem. abababcc, dededeff, ghghghii

Let's see what can everyone can do with this form guys :)

Ps. Just realized that I have posted this earlier in the wrong place, hence, I am posting again.

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

I need to know who is still with us. What do you think? Should we go on with the workshop or you prefer to postpone until sir Wesley is back?
I understand what ever is your preference. BUT
I hate to see it postponed. I know Mr. Snow would have liked to see it rolling as was scheduled earlier.
So what do you people say?

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Your response Khalid. It's unfortunate that I didn't hear from the others. I'll do my best to find the time to finish this. Just be patient and bear with me.

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

we can wait for a couple of weeks till you write your Ottava Rima.
Does this fit you?

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

We waited longer than we should. So let's move on to the third form. Still we do always welcome any submissions of any form.

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

(Old Occitan: cledisat [klediˈzat]; also known as sestine, sextine, sextain) is a fixed verse form consisting of six stanzas of six lines each, normally followed by a three-line envoi. The words that end each line of the first stanza are used as line endings in each of the following stanzas, rotated in a set pattern.
The patterns of word repetition are as follows, with each number representing the final word of a line, and each row of numbers representing a stanza: 

          1 2 3 4 5 6
          6 1 5 2 4 3
          3 6 4 1 2 5
          5 3 2 6 1 4
          4 5 1 3 6 2
          2 4 6 5 3 1
The envoy should have the six words with two in each line as follows
   (6 2) (1 4) (5 3) 

The invention of the form is usually attributed to 12th-century troubadour Arnaut Daniel; after spreading to continental Europe, it first appeared in English in 1579, though sestinas were rarely written in Britain until the end of the 19th century. It remains a popular poetic form, and many continue to be written by contemporary poets. A challenging form indeed. Anyone? I am going to post an example done by sir Wesley earlier to clarify everything about the form.

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

(in reference to ÇAÇÔ, Man of the Morning Star)

The strength of ideology as known
rests with the knowledge men shall seek a god.
A doctrine merely amplifies the tone
and makes a cult of anything so odd
as that which queerly contradicts one’s own,
for all else is to one’s belief a fraud.

But ere we speak of man’s inherent fraud
or all he trusts his ancestors have known,
let’s first address perspectives we can’t own
and ask what is the fervent creed of God.
The query may, of course, seem rather odd,
but after all, His doctrine is the tone.

Imagine first this “God” with lonesome tone
(and trusting He Himself shan’t answer fraud)
might pose a quandary autochthonic odd,
for with no point of reference it’s not known
by Providence the truth of what is God.
God has no mirror He may call His own.

What is it that Almighty God can own?
If He is every color, every tone,
then He knows not what is and isn’t God,
for anything beyond Him must be fraud.
I am not you and this I’ve always known,
a “Point of Reference” seeming never odd.

But such an attribution would be odd
for Him to note a soul that’s not His own.
Omnipotence means nothing is not known.
His color shows no contrast in its tone.
All things are God and all that’s not is fraud.
God is and God sees naught that isn’t God.

But back to man’s belief in what is God.
That we know naught of Him should not seem odd
nor should we note another’s faith as fraud.
For though mankind He seeming claims to own,
He knows not Self, His tinge is all one tone.
This then guides man’s belief of all that’s known.

I feel I’ve known there is but one true God.
He’s set the tone that makes me rather odd,
but though I own Him not, He seems no fraud.

Rula

Rula

9 years 2 months ago

Bro. We are not in a hurry. Have you noticed the ending words?

alidzain

I have the feeling I've finally reached my limit with this last form. I'm giving it a week, if I can't do it I think I raise the white flag. I know I'm in trouble when the end-words of the first stanzas must repeated and rotated throughout the poem. This is tougher than sonnet and ballad.

Alid

alidzain

I don't know if the sentina I have posted for the workshop can be called a "sentina" in the right form but I managed to get the word-rotation right after one verrrry long struggle. Not happy with it but I don't know how to correct it. HELP, Pls...

Alid

Rula

You've done a very good job so far. All you need is to flesh some line The theme you've chosen is very apt. Don't give up.
I know sir Wesley will be proud of you.

alidzain

I've posted a new Sestina as you can see. If this still don't meet the requirements, I don't know what else to do.

Alid

wesley snow

I'm back.
Explanation forthcoming:
Massive heart attack (a real ripper), quadruple bypass surgery (not recommended), computer crash, pneumonia (three days in hospital) and now I'm back.
Any questions? I'm open to all and apologize for not being here. Especially to Rula. This is the second time I have left her hanging and I don't like it.
Let's write an Ottava Rima. As Rula said, any meter will do, but I suggest iambic pentameter as it is the most common. Though as long as the rhyme scheme is what's called for any meter will do.
Rula's description is correct. Six lines of alternating rhyme with a couplet following. Usually they will be three stanzas or more, but a single stanza is not unheard of.
I will post mine shortly.

Description: Three small poem structures to be taught beginning with Terza Rima for seven days.

Leader: wesley
Moderator(s): Rula

Objectives: To introduce three small and uncommon classical forms.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: In this opening workshop we will talk about and attempt to write a Terza Rima.