S
By scribbler, 21 February, 2014
Skill level
Date
-
Short description
A participant driven shop in which various uses of imagery will be explored
S

THE TRUTH THE DEAD KNOW by Anne Sexton

Gone , I say and walk from church,
.....the stiff...................grave
letting the dead.................the hearse
it is Jun, .........................being brave

We .........to the Cape, I cultivate
myself..............................from the sky
where the sea..................like an iron gate
and we touch. In .................people die.

My darling, the wind........................
from the ...........water and when we touch
...................touch entirely. No one's alone.
Men kill for this, or for........

And what of the dead? They lie............
in their............They are more like.........
than the sea would be............. They refuse
to be blessed, throat, eye and knucklebone.

Rhyming with abab pattern. *written for poet's dead mother
*Rula, this poem is for you

R

I had told you Stan will dial 999 for you soon. Good luck!

in case you don't know what abab pattern is, I guess verse 1& 3 and verse 2 & 4 follow the same rhyming pattern, thanks to a friend who told me what acbc means, this is all the help I can offer ..hahaha.

R

Looks like you know who that friend is ..hahaha...I guess you are headed for a sleepless night with the bugs planted by Stan in your mind.....lol.. I certainly don't envy you because i wonder how to think like a dead....

S

Please comment within the next few days on the first two revised poems if you haven't already. Thanks...........stan

S

Would ya'll prefer I post the original versions of the poems being rewritten when I comment on them or wait until all revisions are posted?..........stan

R

If you post the original version before, the other participants would be left with nothing to comment. The question is how long you (Stan) should wait before posting the original? From personal experience I can say that for the one who has been assigned a poem and published his/her version, there is considerable level of curiosity to know how closely it matches the original or how way too different it is.

alidzain

how about this? Why don't you post the original poems after you have commented on their attempt on the assignments ,Stan, since you choose to wait for other's comments before you deliver your own?

S

Please don't forget to hit the "workshop" button when you comment on a poem. It gives that neat looking outline to the comments..........stan

S

Wes and Carrie's comments on rewritten poems ...........but not forever lol

Seren

Seren

11 years 1 month ago

Ok after doing my head in overnight I have my edit finished and posted ... it wasn't an easy poem Stan LOL

Jayne x

Seren

Seren

11 years 1 month ago

I let a comment here yesterday after I posted my poem and the comment has disappeared the Neopoet elves have been stealing my comments again lol... thanks for the thoughts on my edit of incident everyone

Love Jayne

S

TALL TREES BLEED RED by Julia Blacke

Sometimes, I cease life
to .............tall trees, as far as..........................,
then call upon memories,.........,........ and bare

Images of time..................;shifting symbols
of......... .........., but they will never know, or hear,
my thoughts so..... .........home.

It tears me apart standing here, in a land where waving........
thrash against... ....., that someday you'll be............,
a red romance, that ........bled into the shades of...........

And I try to ........ our songs in the whispering ........,
invoking storms of my heart like the ..... ... ..........,
And the ........ of red wine, as it ..... ..... .... your lips,
to where bones of the dead............. ... ........
and true love......... ............

Hi Carrie (lonelyhrtsclub13) this one's for you............stan

S

THE NEGRO SPEAKS OF RIVERS by Langston Hughes (to W.E.B. Du Bois)

I've known rivers
I've known rivers ancient ..... ..... ........... and......... than the
flow of ........ blood in ........... veins.
My soul has ..... ..... like the rivers.

I.... in the Euphrates when .......... were young.
I built my ..... near the Congo and it ..... me.... to... sleep
I looked upon the ........ and raised the pyramids .... ..
I heard the .... of the Mississippi when ........ Lincoln
went.......... to New Orleans, and I've seen its.............
bosum turn .... ..... in the sunset.

I've known rivers
............, dusky rivers

My .......... has grown ..... like the rivers

Alidzain this is your poem

alidzain

I tried to find the meaning of the word "bosum " from the poem you have assigned to me but even in the dictionary.reference.com, it came up with nothing. Is this the right spelling, stan?

Alid

S

Likely a mispell of Bossum but I copied it straight from the book

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

The assignments could keep you busy for a while. Good luck :)

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

How about you? Would you want Jayne or Chrys to tickle you a bit with an assignment? :)

alidzain

this website page to read the new comments? it seems like I'm stuck with the older feedbacks and can't retrieve the assignment Stan has given me.

Alid

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

On reloading the page I am able to see the poem given to you as assignment. For Bosum do a google if a dictionary doesn't list it..

alidzain

this is killing me. I've done the search and it brings out more questions than answers. Bosum is related to the words like boobies, tits and bra? One even comes out in a foreign tongue website??? Now I scratched my head and wonder what does it has to do with rivers. Even if I become bald, I doubt I'll find the answer. LOL. now I know how hard it is trying to refrain from checking out the original poem.
Oh well, seems like I just need to err with dignity instead of cheating..Gonna try my best. Wish me luck!

Alid

R

It must be pretty late in the night there. So before you run out of hair, tuck that poem in a corner of your mind and sleep over it. When you wake up there is a good chance of your finding clues. I know it's not so easy s I have already wished you and Carry good luck :)

though i am not 100 % sure bosum could mean the same as bosom..

S

Assume it is meant as reference to the frontal chest area (could be used for either male or female)

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Great! Looks like you are finding it easier than I thought :)

alidzain

googling for bosum, not doing the assignment itself ;)...anyway, i think i know how to beat this "missing new comments" problem. i just need to make a comment on the workshop page and it reverts to the one with newer comment.its the only thing i could do when refreshing don't work.

alidzain

my side here is crazy sometimes okay, sometimes k.o

Alid

alidzain

I've posted my assignment but something's no right. don't know how to get rid of the words appearing between the title and the poem!
Configure
Edit
Delete
Unpublish

Alid

alidzain

goodness me, this is just crazy.am i being singled out here by the bugsy in neopoet?

Alid

Seren

Seren

11 years 1 month ago

I get that sometimes on my poems its nothing to worry about night...or nearly day here lol

Off to sleep i go...

Love J xxx

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Let's chill till our technical team work this out. Let's keep cool till they get a breakthrough which I am sure they would...

wesley snow

I have lost the vast majority of this thread. I have now only a third of the comments on my page. I thought perhaps because of the large volume it went to a second page, but cannot find the first if that is the case.

Anyway.
I have been assigned the honor of giving Stan his poem, so here it is below. If it doesn't post, I'll do it again. Somebody, anybody let me know if it has arrived.

The Lay of Leithian by J. R. R. Tokien

A king there was in days of old:
ere Men yet … the mould
his power was … in cavern’s shade,
his hand was over glen and glade.
Of … his crown, his … green,
his silver lances …;
the starlight in his shield was caught,
ere moon was made or sun was wrought.

In after-days, when to the shore
of Middle-earth from Valinor
the Elven-hosts in might returned,
and …,
when kings of Eldamar went by
in strength of war, …
then still his … trumpets blew
when sun was young and moon was new.
Afar then in Beleriand,
In Doriath’s … land,
King Thingol sat on … throne
in … halls of stone:
there beryl, pearl, and opal pale,
and metal wrought … mail,
buckler and corslet, axe and sword,
and … spears were laid in hoard:
all these he had and counted small,
for … than all wealth in hall,
and … than are born to Men,
a daughter had he, Luthien.

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

I didn't know that Stan agreed to my suggestion that he too be assigned a poem to fill in the blanks. It could be because of truncated comments in the thread. Reading what you have said would mean that he has agreed and also means that I could read your comment above about which you have sought confirmation. Not sure though if you would be able to read this.

S

I DID list myself as a participant. Not fair to skip this or to assign myself a poem so I let Wes find one for me as "punishment" for his being AWOL.........stan

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

Are you writing with the secret ink these days?
I'm able to read what you are posting, I think. I'm here, but it's been a tiring quick journey. I'll try to join as soon as possible. Can't think of anything at the moment but sleeping.
Be well all.

R

Welcome back after a tiring journey. I can understand your predicament about "what all this is about"? t is like this:-

A couple of days back, while you were gone, some sort of bug hit this work shop thread, due to which portions of comments got lost, presumably because this thread has become heavy in terms of bytes as well as length. that's the long and short of it. Our technical team is reportedly working on setting this right and since we are now communicating on this very thread, it could be that they already have sorted it out. You will know if things have been streamlined when you wake up and able to read this comment :)

Regards,

R

I couldn't make out what you have said because it is in urdu, you may have to teach that to me first :)

Rula

It's Arabic. It says raj thank you for the explanation .[raj shukran liledah]

R

Shukran for the translation of arabic to english. Shukran is quite close to Shukriya in urdu.

S

Another reminder that a temporary "fix" is in place. To reach page 2 one must go to the original title page and click on the link titled Page 2. Today March 11 is my birthday so I'm taking rest of the day off and will be back tomorrow...........stan

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Wishing You A Happy Birthday and Many Happy Returns of this Day. Wishing you the best of health, wealth, happiness, peace and lots of smiles to bring cheer to every day and always.

Have a great celebration,

P.S. Thanks for providing link to page 2 of this thread

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

New assignment boss (((smiles))).I bet you like Wesley's gift.

alidzain

I'm trying to learn some Arabic in the hope of understanding the Al-Quran. I realized that while I can read it I don't know a lot of the words in it.

Alid

Seren

Seren

11 years 1 month ago

Many happy returns for the day Stan I hope you have a wonderful birthday, I love the poem Wesley chose for you good luck with it I look forward to reading your edit

love Jayne x

Ian.T

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

You wont win, I is going to have a birthday in a week or so, then the same gap will be there so you can keep calling me Sir ..
Have a great day enjoy life as it is a precious gift to us all.
May you have many more great days,
Yours an Older Ian.T. He, He, He

S

I came back on line today and 1st thing I did was check my messages and then enrolled you. Check you Private Messages for instructions for catching up. Welcome.....................stan

S

Is everybody back on track with knowing how to access page 2 on shop thread? If not holler here..............stan

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Hollering "I now know how to access Page 2 of shop thread"..hope you heard me hollering lol

S

I have completed my assignment bit will post it last so everybody can all laugh at the same time.

R

Not sure if it is to buy more time to submit :)

China Blue

The workshop seems very quite,any new poems to be reviewed

R

I agree with you, not just here in WS but generally in the stream too. You may have noticed that Stan has posted two originals. Perhaps, you may want to take a look see at them if you haven't already.

emeka ozurumba

why don't we write on the subject moonless night, or what do you think appeals? i love your poetry so i'm privileged to be working with you

R

Please make sure for whom your message / comment above is made to avid confusion. Apparently it would be for your partner for this workshop chosen by Stan...which I believe is Chrys.... yet it's always good to be clear about for whom your comment is meant...

S

THE SOUND OF TREES by Robert Frost

I wonder about the trees
Why do we .... to........
Forever the .........of these
........than another noise
So close to our...........place?
We suffer them..... .. ....
Till we lose all measure of ........
And............. in our joys
And acquire a listening air.
They are that talks of........
But .......gets away;
And that .... no ...... ... knowing,
As it grows ........and older,
That now it means to stay.
My .....tug at the floor
And my head............ .. ...shoulder
................when I watch trees.........
From the window or the door.
I shall set forth for........
I shall make the ..........choice
Some day when they are in voice
and.....so as to scare
the...........clouds over them on.
I shall have .........to say
But I shall be...........

Wes this poem's yours...........stan

S

AUNT JENNIFER'S TIGERS by Adrienne Rich

Aunt Jennifer's tigers................across the screen,
.........topaz denizens of a world of green.
They do not .........the men....the tree;
They ........ .. sleek chivalric certainty.

Aunt Jennifer's fingers............. through her wool
Find even the ivory......... hard to ............
The ..........weight of Uncle's .........band
Sits ..........upon Aunt.............hand

When Aunt is dead her terrified hands will lie
Still ......with ordeals she was mastered by.
The tigers in the ...........that she made
Will go on prancing, proud and ............

This rhyming poem is for emeka.

S

All comments which have to do with the workshop in general should post here on this thread. The comments on others' shop poetry as well as your own shop poems should be made on the site stream. (comments on poems of course go below the poems..........stan

emeka ozurumba

aunt jennifers tigers tame across the screen
splatter topaz denizens of a world of green
they do not fell the men falling the tree
they sprig sleek chivalric certainty

aunt jennifers fingers fiend through her wool
find even the ivory woven hard to ghoul
the sepia weight of uncle's brown band
sits coupon upon aunt poesy's hand

when aunt is dead her terrified hands will lie
still papyrus with ordeals she was mastered by
the tigers in the same that she made
will go on prancing , proud and fade

alidzain

its good that you have done the assignment but you need to put it into the stream. follow these steps

1. Highlight your finished assignment.
2. Press the left button on your mouse and click on "Copy".
3, Go and click on workshop button
4. Click on "Submit a poem"
5. Insert the title and make sure you remember to add (For Stan's WS) beside it.
6. Left click on the mouse button and click on "Paste" in the space below it.
7. Under the poem's column, choose the workshop by click on the button and submit it like any other poem
8. The poem must appear on the stream, if not you may need to ask Stan's or someone else's expertise

alidzain

I'm sure you can learn a lot from here that could help you improve on your writing. I do. If you can use it in your poems, I believe you can make them better..

Alid

S

are awaiting Wesley........hint, hint...............stan

alidzain

how long will we wait for him? sorry. I'm feeling anxious...

Alid

S

He doesn't post his tonight,I'll post mine in the morning then we'll proceed............stan

S

While on a walk in the woods
Thunderstorm
Snow fall
Early spring
At a funeral
At the beach
Waterfall
At a concert
A hot day
A very cold day
Wind
Darn'd car won't start
Moonless night
Summer evening
New love
Lost love
*Don't get your heart set on any of these yet as your partner (yet to be assigned) will have to agree..........stan

S

While on a walk in the woods
Thunderstorm
Snow fall
Early spring
At a funeral
At the beach
Waterfall
At a concert
A hot day
A very cold day
Wind
Darn'd car won't start
Moonless night
Summer evening
New love
Lost love
*Don't get your heart set on any of these yet as your partner (yet to be assigned) will have to agree..........stan

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

I understand that you would be making the pairs of contestants for working together on a theme of their choice from amongst those listed by you above. It is fair for me to say that this exercise would be coinciding with a period when I would be a lot more occupied with my professional commitments. This may not provide enough time to focus on the exercise, in spite of my best interest to do so. It would therefore be unfair for whosoever my chosen partner for this workshop exercise would be. In view of this, it is fair that I notify about this to you in advance, so that, you can count me out. I will however do my best by to work on a theme independently if time permits just to not miss out on the opportunity, of course if you would allow me to do so.

Regards,

S

worry about lack of time. I'm fully aware of how the real world often intrudes. I will choose for you a partner who is capable of proceeding alone if need be. But since I expect this portion to take 3-4 weeks I believe you will at least be able to agree on topic and maybe help with edit and such. I any case if time grows Too short, your partner can always post poem on their own...................stan

R

Thanks for being considerate. It's not that I wouldn't be able to find no time at all. What I meant was that in a joint venture exercise who so ever is the partner chosen for me by you, shouldn't feel that I am not contributing enough.

alidzain

I think it will be all okay since you have explained the situation before hand. You can also inform your partner about it again if you want. We all do the best that we can in the time that we have. No one can ask for more. Anyway, I believe the partner Stan will choose for you will be skillful enough to cover up for the time you're not around.

Alid

alidzain

in a family, Mother knows best, while in a workshop like this, the Mentor knows best. LOL

Alid

S

I will assign one pair of partners per day so that the shop will not have to digest so many poems at a time. The first partners are Serendipity and raj.

R

Thanks for the pairing. It would be to my advantage to have Jayne to lead our team.

A few questions:-

1. Are we to announce the theme chosen by us or keep it to ourselves till we post?
2. We need to post our poem when it's ready in the stream indicating of course that it is for the WS. Right?
3. Are we supposed to have a name for our Team?

I am waiting for Jayne to show up. She has done a disappearing act of sorts and not seen around over the past few days

S

I don't expect either of a pair to lead but that's up to the two of you. There's no need to name your team beyond your names unless you just want to. And it would likely be best to not announce your topic to public until you post poem. I would like for ya'll to let me know the topic via PM so that there won't be 3-4 teams writing on same topic............stan PS try sending Jayne a PM

R

Most of the things I said were just to rev up everybody cuz I notice things have become sort of quiet here these days....we will certainly PM to you the topic we choose once Jayne wakes up and takes up the reigns..I have already sent to her a wake up call via PM

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

makes a good pair Stan.
Would you please fulfill one of my few wishes in this life and make me work with Wesley?
I'd be really grateful....Of course if Wesley doesn't mind it.
Hope I'm not asking for the impossible :)

S

One of the things I'm trying to do is pair writers who have different styles as partners. And Nobody else writes like Wes lol. But I'll let you know in due time (can't let ya'll get a head start if paired)...........stan

Rula

I understand whatever decision you take. I believe each writer/ poet is unique. No one is alike anyone else, and as a result I believe this task shall be even harder than the previous one.

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Watch out folks! Here we come.!!!

I am announcing Jayne to be our team Captain.
As a Lady, she will have the first pick at the theme topic and I will give it my gentlemanly unanimous approval

She will shortly be announcing our Team Name

Wish us the very best, even though there are no prizes

PS: I shall be doing the ghost duties lol..

S

Ya'll take your time in coming up with a poem. We all expect something exceptional from one another in this final(?) part of the shop...........stan

R

that "final (?)" has been keeping me on my toes to keep guessing what could be the final (twist) you have in store for all of us ...lol....

S

The poetry from the teams let's discuss the types of imagery and how using them all can result in exacting imagery without inserting too much imagery. There are 7 types of imagery. We'll begin with Visual imagery which describes what we see. An example would be : I look through a dusty window. A bad example would be :
I look through a blurry dusty window which impedes my sight. So let's each come up with a good use of Visual imagery and one which is overdone and post it on this shop thread............stan

Ian.T

Just a thought about visual here Stan, hope you don't mind, as there is little going on at the moment lol

Glass sparkle laid flat
All Refraction's corrected
I now see the world

A Japanese visual, good luck with this wonderful workshop,
Yours as always Ian.T

Ian.T

My little interjection was just to let the workshop know , that I read their words even if not partaking of the workshop.
One day we may talk about a God, but not today it is a subject for many outside of their poetic skills..
Take care you are in my thoughts, Yours Ian.T

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

The overdone example
I saw the clustered clouds flocking into the sky.

A better one perhaps something like

Onto the sky's page
are faces running with tears
floating grey or black

What does everyone think?

R

You are a quick learner which is why you responded so quickly to Stan's examples by coming with a fitting one about overdone and better one...I am sure you will prove to be a good creative partner to anyone Stan chooses for you for this exercise...

Rula

I hope I didn't offend anyone here by asking to be Wesley's partner in this workshop. It is just a wish I expressed, but it's an honor to work with anyone of my friends.
Just thought I'd apologize if i miss expressed myself.

alidzain

that the word "wild" actually means it hasn't been disturbed thus the rest of the sentence is like a repetition of what it is.

Alid

alidzain

You are a fast learner. my attempt.

i see a wild red rose, unmolested by mortal fingers through time

a better one will be

In a garden
a red rose stands
wild and free...

Tell me what you guys think

R

"I see" need not be written because 1. it is obvious and 2. it not be that only you see it.

Just my thought

alidzain

Noted.

A red rose stands
wild and free...

Alid

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Overdone

The glittering stars were paled by the magnificent beauty of the Moon in the sky

Better one

The stars were like sequins
pinned on the lunar robe
while she stole many a heart
with each stride on the celestial ramp

S

Due to Rula's request (as well as their different styles) Rula and Wes are the next pair.
Today we'll discuss a second type of imagery : Auditory which is what one hears. That's pretty self explanatory I think so instead of writing a few lines just using auditory, let write some in which both auditory and visual are used Ex :
I saw the leaves colored so bold
as they shivered in the breeze
each had a story untold
in quite rustling before time of freeze................yeah the meter's pretty bad lol. But by combining these 2 types imagery one can often paint a clearer picture than by using just one

R

I would now be looking forward to you and Wesley coming out tops. Best wishes.

Rula

Has your partner woken up yet :). it won't be a walk on the beach task. I just know it.
Wish you two the best too.

R

I am sure your mentor and now partner for this joint venture would be expecting a lot from you to lie up to his expectations, The end product though would surely be worth it and give you joy. As for my partner from down under she apparently is still in snooze mode :)

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

How about this as an example for visual and auditory imaging?

The sky was sprinkled with salt and pepper,
a thunderous storm sent kids to shelter,
no sooner the roof tops sounded the bell,
they scurried to the courtyard to gather the hail

R

Thanks for the confirmation that I read your guidelines correctly and could implement them in those four lines attempted by me.

alidzain

The door creaked noisily
when mum entered the room
to tell a bedtime story
to me and my pet, Bloom

S

in auditory but not so strong in the visual. What kind of pet and what color? Dis mum enter a darkened of well lit room? Remember that strong imagery is often conveyed in details.............stan

Rula

under the thick shadows of the night
moon-face's weak to beam a light
only ghosts with owls' sounds go fast
leaving fearful echoes to cast.

alidzain

A request, Stan. Maybe you can PM the next appointed pair if they failed to acknowledge the assignment. Its just in case if there's a glitch in the system again or if they are not aware..

Alid

alidzain

The door creaked noisily
when mum entered the dimly-lit room
to tell a bedtime story
to me and my Siamese cat, Bloom

Alid

R

If I may suggest, there is no need to have the word "noisily" because the word "creaked" amply suggests that. It could be like

The door of our dimly lit room creaked
as mum searched her way to our bed
and the Frankenstein tale she read
gave me and my Siamese the creeps

S

Since some members haven't participated much lately and one member hasn't participated at all, the choosing is become more difficult. Also with there now being an odd number of active participants somebody will be left without a partner. Since I consider this pairing of participants and their resultant poems to be one of the most important parts of this shop I don't think it fair to ask another to bow out. So I will bow out of the pairing instead.
Today's pairing will be China Blue and emeka.

Now onward to the next type of imagery : Tactile - this is how something feels to touch. So let's try a 3-4 line stanza which includes all three types imagery discussed so far. My example
I saw a far off poplar tree
from which a squirrel was scolding me
as cold wind chilled my old bald pate
and coarse wool coat began to grate

R

I appreciate the largeness of your heart by offering to bow out. It would be quite unfair to leave you out because in doing so 1) the lucky participant whom you would decide to partner would be denied an opportunity to work with a fine craftsman of imagery and 2) so too would be others like me who look forward to your submission for bench marking. Under the circumstances, I propose that China Blue pairs with you in addition to her pairing with Emeka and if she agrees we would be treated to what I am sure would be a unique concoction. I put this proposal to vote by fellow participants

S

Thinking about getting Jess to assign me a subject from the list then winging it on my own. But I'm also waiting to hear back from Carrie as to whether the real world has raised its head and gobbled up her available time. If such is the case then that will leave Alid and me to partner. So the next pairing won't be announced until this weekend..................stan PS I think asking ANY participant to partner with two people would not be fair to any of the 3 who would be involved

S

The reason for going over the 7 types of imagery is pretty simple. One of the ways to help Not overuse imagery is to use a mixture of different Types of imagery .
The towering white barked polar slowly shed its golden leaves.....almost all visual
the tall poplar's autumn leaves rustled against its smooth bark....use of all 3 types imagery so far discussed (plus one we haven't discussed) gives almost the same description without seeming too crowded with imagery

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

A droplet of dew, was about to slide
atop a rose bud, on its satiny hide
that moment of anguish, sparkled my eyes
but the treacherous Sun stifled my sighs

Rula

I could feel and see but couldn't hear a sound. Have I missed something here?

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

In reply to by Rula

"stifled sighs" perhaps you didn't hear because they were stifled :)

Rula

sorry, didn't get its meaning in the context the way you've explained. I thought it means consealed but not choked.

alidzain

I saw the lightning ,crackled across the sky
as the howling wind sends a chill to my bones
then the hands of my love and mine entwined
and I am no longer lost and alone

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

It is the mother's day in my part of the world. So the moment inspired

My baby's kiss

A velvet touch
onto my skin slipped
blessed me that much
though mutely lipped

Rula

No?
Don't follow me. I am lost too:)

R

If mutely is auditory then stifled should be too isn't it? Now it's not just confusion, you got me into a maze...lol...

S

I agree with Rula about the lack of auditory in your stanza..........stan

R

perhaps being "stifled" you too didn't hear the sigh :)

S

Very good stanza. A good example of how blending imagery can help keep something from being too "flowery".............stan

alidzain

maybe you can tweak them a bit. My suggestion for Raj

.A droplet of dew, was about to slide
atop a rose bud, on its satiny hide
that moment of anguish, sparkled my eyes
but the treacherous Sun can't hear my sighs

I want to suggest something for you too, Rula something about laughter but I can't make i rhyme... maybe stan can help out......

Alid

S

types of imagery are very tightly related. These are also types which studies indicate are powerful in how they can trigger memories. Being so they are also powerful means of conveying imagery. These two are Olfactory (smell0 and Gustatory (taste). I slept badly last night because I was dream haunted so I am too tired to come up with a sample verse but I expect these two forms are self explanatory enough that ya'll can write a few lines using both of them as well as at least one of the other imageries we've discussed..................stan
PS If anybody is having problems with the co-written poems just holler

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

My Olfactory & Gustatory attempt

Her chocolaty smile
melted me to the core
when I tucked in her lapel
a fresh bud of rose

alidzain

The smell of lavender
reminds me of mother
who loves to bake
her sweet lemon cakes

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Are we headed to a situation when there would soon be a need to switch to page #3?

alidzain

that will be the case if the situation did not improve. I wonder if its a glitch that is keeping the others away from the workshop.

Alid

S

previous glitch didn't appear until the comments passed 300. Thus I expect we'd have to pass 600 before another page is needed. I don't anticipate that happening. As to others being AWOL I suspect it's not a glitch, but the real world intruding on their time...........stan

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

Our (Me & Serendipity) joint post is awaiting green signal from our Workshop Guru :)

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

Raj for you and your partner. Still waiting Wesley to show up. Haven't started anything yet. :(

R

Thanks for your wishes Rula. All I can tell you is that the theme is not from my comfort zone. No prizes though for guessing it right...lol...

Get rid of those grumps. While you wait for Wesley to show up, I suggest you get started with a theme and he can can take it from there when he joins..i guess that's what he would expect of you to do...good luck to you two too...

alidzain

Bah! With both of your skills, I doubt you'll have much trouble with the assignment. No sir. I won't dare to underestimate your group. Not with Jayne as your partner.

Alid

swamp-witch

I just wanted to stop in and say WOW, what a workshop! 479 comments worth of great discussion, and I've only been able to skim it so far. Wish I could have had the time to show up a few days ago.

Keep up the amazing work everyone. I am ecstatic about the amazing work you're all doing for this shop.

S

We seem to be having a few problems with formerly active participants going AWOL. If you have already been assigned a partner but can't get a response from them please go ahead on your own but wait at least a day before posting your poem..........stan

R

Please confirm that the poem is to be posted in stream by mentioning in the title that it is for your workshop and checking the workshop box....

weirdelf

I regretfully with draw from this fantastic workshop. Great kudos to Stan, it's one of the best ever, and I hope that others of you with life commitments might come back. To explain
I was on my way to visit my mother, who since Patience's death has wandered around the care home looking for her. We can't keep reminding her she is dead as each time it inflicts the grief anew. I almost wish I could believe in a god just to abuse the bastard for inflicting this horrendous malady on anyone,
It is a hard painful time for me.
regards

S

Death is just a final part of life and who knows but what there may well be something beyond death. The universe allows Nothing to go to waste. You take all the time you need to come to grips with your loss and we'll see you when we see you..............stan

Seren

Seren

11 years 1 month ago

and I am so sorry to have kept Raj waiting he has gone ahead and wrote a poem on his own so I will take theme and also write one on my own I noticed that we have three to four weeks so I plan to use the next couple of weeks working on my submission I want to use all the time allowed to get the best result ... sorry again for he absence it could not be helped

Jayne

S

Life Does have a way of intruding doesn't it? Perhaps I made a mistake in assigning partners for this but I thought by placing dissimilar writers together that both their horizons would expand. Welcome back and I hope all is now well with you...........stan

S

It is beginning to look like my idea of pairing people up is not working out well. I may just get each person (who hasn't already started a co-write) post a poem of his/her own. But I'm putting off that decision until Wednesday.

In the mean time there is another very important type of imagery to discuss and practice with : Organic. This is a type imagery which describes an internal state such as anger or hunger or such. This directly describes the emotion or state of the writer An example
The peace of my morning walk
in which I'd failed to even stumble
was brought to end by hunger's stalk
and subsequent old stomach's rumble

Ya'll give it a try with 2-4 lines. ...............stan

R

raj

11 years 1 month ago

The brutal killing of innocent beings,
senseless ranting of political big wigs
blatant abuse of female flesh,
this, that and what not trade,
gets me enraged, throw up, bleed
and comatose

alidzain

What is this I see before me?
A wall of water rising higher and higher,
threatening to swallow the life out of me..
Helpless humans scream in terror,
scattering like ants in the face of danger.
The threat vanquish my courage
and I join the ranks of men who flee,
hoping to escape from nature's wraith....

Rula

Rula

11 years 1 month ago

let the wind rage,
let the wind roar,
let it take soreness
the war always bore.

S

Organic imagery is meant to describe the inner state of mind or physical well being of the protagonist. Perhaps I should use a well known poet for an example . So, Poe's "the Raven" :

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door-
" 'Tis some visitor." I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
only this and nothing more."
See the way he described both the physical and inner weariness of the protagonist? This is Organic imagery.....stan

R

You didn't say if our (mine, Alid & Rula's) attempts were good enough or way off the mark. Please do that so we know...

S

The last type imagery is called "Kinetic" . This is imagery which describes motion (or lack thereof) or tension. Again, in Poe's Raven above this is exemplified by the rapping and tapping .

All these types of imagery can be used together to even better effect than singly and by using more than one type imagery we can more easily avoid over use of any one type.

I have decided I made a mistake in trying to assign partners for the final shop poems. I suspect the time zone differences carry a great deal of blame for this not working out. But whatever the cause may be I am going to allow those who haven't already begun a collaborative poem to write a poem on their own. DO NOT post your poem until I announce your turn. I am going to tell 2 people per day to post . I hope this will keep any one poem from being over looked. It's midnight now and I'll post first two names in about 10-12 hours............stan

alidzain

Organic should describe the writer's feelings or state of mind so i'm going to redo the attempt on the organic, followed by an attempt on kinetic.

Organic -

Lamentation

In a moment of anger,
I pounced on the man
who has insulted my mother
and punched him on the face.
I lose control,unable to stop
even when he started to bleed.
When I finally released him,
I realized that he no longer breathes
and I felt a mountain of regret,
lying on my shoulders
O God, what have I done?
What have I done?

Kinetic
Children At Play

Sitting on the wooden bench,
I watched the children at play,
laughing and running freely.
full of life and energy.
I can't help feeling envious
of a life so carefree.

S

Any teams which have already begun their co-write may continue on if they so desire. To those who haven't or to those who wish to abandon any co-write I will allow individual poems to be entered.
As already stated I will pick 2 people per day to submit their individual poems. But instead of doing this each day, I'm going to do this every other day in order to give more time for both writing the poems and for each poem to gather comments. As usual, post the poem on stream with "imagery shop" beside title.

First to post poems will be Rula and raj. If either of you are wanting to continue with a co-write let me know ..............PS Everybody is doing great and I apologize for the delay caused by my assigning partners............stan

BlueDemon77

Point Omega by RW
(to Don Delillo)

The mind sees through scaley eyes
gelatinous atoms inside are oozing
flinging electrons into others, lazily
rapid fireflies colliding.....sparks

consciousness is weary, grown sphinx-like, tired
The eternal experiment has failed again
it's designs fall to the will
of the pack
gold verticle eyes point the gene of destruction

consciousness itself has a consciousness
it has spun ancient and thin, it dreams of a collapsing universe
it pleads for rest out of time
implores to throw off matter
once again
to become
stones upon a molten field

Ron

BlueDemon77

alidzain

Can thinking be kinetic too?

Alid

R

My Opinion: If "thinking" is a state of mind then it could qualify as a kinetic w.r.t. a mind in a state of "inertia"...that's my take let's hear what Stan and others would say...

S

I believe that "thinking" could well be either kinetic (I am thinking) or organic (my thinking led me to a conclusion). Your question illuminates that the manner in which many words are used governs which type imagery it invokes.
I don't think it's really important that these types of imagery are memorized for this shop. I put them out mainly to broaden people's understanding that there Are many different types of imagery which can be used in order to help prevent imagery over kill.......stan

S

You or anybody else who wishes to do so are welcome to post both an individual poem or a co-written one or both. The more thoughtful practice we have here the better I reckon.............stan PS as usual, I'll with hold my comments on poems until others have commented in order to avoid my opinion being given undue weight.

R

Yes Stan, I know you would do that, meaning deliver the master stroke last. I will look out for that which would be worth the wait....

alidzain

I think I try to post a poem on my own first before you assigned a partner for me. While you may choose the person, there is no telling if he or she won't be too busy to really be an active participant here.

Alid

China Blue

go ahead and proceed without me , I'm sorry but there is a lot going on at home at the moment and I do not want to keep you waiting

S

I guess you are all aware that the site crashed for a few days. It is up and running now but still not at full strength. So in order to decrease the strain on the temporary solution which is presently in place I ask ya'll to not post any workshop related material either here or on stream until Sunday. This will give us all more time to work on poems anyway lol.......stan

S

Since site went off line again, let's delay until Wednesday before proceeding with shop work..........stan

S

I expect by now everybody knows that trying to put some type formula to determining what the right amount of imagery is is difficult if not impossible. One thing to keep in mind though is that the "right" amount varies with the subject of a poem. What might sound like the right amount in a love poem might be too much on a poem dealing with....say....politics. Also the type of imagery can vary from subject to subject. A poem about a painting would likely not employ much taste or audio imagery. Just a few things to keep in mind about general as well as the amount of imagery,

**Due to recent site problems, let's all go ahead and post any poems written for the shop as soon as they're completed. Just don't forget to put "imagery workshop" or some such beside the title so it can be easily found on stream..........stan

Seren

Sorry for my absence people I have been having a rough time with life, I will return when I can, which hopefully will be soon.

hope everyone's having a safe and happy Easter(those that celebrate)

love Jayne :)

S

Life Does have a way of intruding. We are now in the final stage of posting poems on stream. There is no rush in getting this done and I don't intend to "officially" close the shop or this thread for another 2-3 weeks. ........stan

emeka ozurumba

it is quite a harder task than i thought , the right amount of imagery is very compelling on selecting images suitable for the title which you carefully hand-picked, we must task ourselves

S

Just the fact that you have come to realize that the right amount and type of imagery used in a poem requires some thought makes this shop a success. I have been told by others that I'm pretty good at imagery use but it is apparently a gift because I usually use it with little thought. Now I've come to realize that what comes easily for some might be hard for others (I still stink at sonnets lol). So this shop has helped me as well as the participants.............stan PS to you or any others here, if you are having problems writing on a particular subject feel free to change subjects.

R

raj

10 years 12 months ago

There being no concrete activity in this thread since your post about three weeks ago, I guess the workshop has concluded. It was a pleasure being a part of it.

Best regards,

S

Let me thank you for making this shop such a joy to have run. I apologize for the loss of momentum which apparently was caused by site problems but I think there was still enough accomplished to give everybody new perspectives in their use of imagery in their poetry.
To any who still want, feel free to post their final poems on stream. But there is no need to feel obligated to do so.
I will leave this thread open about one more week so ya'll can offer ideas on how this shop could have been improved...........stan

R

If I remember correctly, you were to comment on the final poems one by one. If that is right, I would appreciate to read your comment on my final submission. It would certainly be of help in finding out areas for improvement.

Regards,

S

I must have missed it. I'll get it read today.............stan

R

raj

10 years 12 months ago

Thanks. You have conducted the workshop superbly. It was definitely a value addition for an amateur like me.

Best regards,

Rula

Rula

10 years 12 months ago

I was peeking every now and then. I think your hard work has shown in everyone's responses and submits.
we can't thank you enough for the time you've devoted to all of us.

Do I expect to hear from you on my last submission? It would be an extra generosity from your side .
Many thanks.

S

My computer was actually down for a few days recently and i guess I missed seeing your submission. It is my intent to comment on All final submissions. So let me hunt yours up and see what I can do as far as commentary...........stan

S

I will be closing this shop down in a couple of days. If you have thoughts to add either here or on any of the poems now is the time to do it. I'd like to thank you all for joining in and hope ya'll enjoyed this execise. Also i welcome tips on how I could have done better...............stan

R

It was a pleasure to be part of this workshop. Thank you for conducting it nicely.

Regards,

Description: Imagery, what it is and when is too much. Will begin with a discussion on imagery (which will be ongoing throughout shop) Will then move on to a couple of exercises designed to help people start using more imagery without overdoing it. One will be a "fill in the blanks" exercise and the other will be writing a new poem in partnership with another. Each exercise will be open to discussion as the steps are completed by members.

Leader: scribbler
Moderator(s):

Objectives: To help people become more comfortable in using imagery in their poetry

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Correct use of and learning how to use imagery

**NOTE: to view page two of comments, click this link: http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/right-amount-imagery-lets-begin?page=2 ***