Description: Imagery, what it is and when is too much. Will begin with a discussion on imagery (which will be ongoing throughout shop) Will then move on to a couple of exercises designed to help people start using more imagery without overdoing it. One will be a "fill in the blanks" exercise and the other will be writing a new poem in partnership with another. Each exercise will be open to discussion as the steps are completed by members.
Leader: scribbler
Moderator(s):
Objectives: To help people become more comfortable in using imagery in their poetry
Level of expertise: Open to all
Subject matter: Correct use of and learning how to use imagery
**NOTE: to view page two of comments, click this link: http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/right-amount-imagery-lets-begin?page=2 ***
2nd poem
THE TRUTH THE DEAD KNOW by Anne Sexton
Gone , I say and walk from church,
.....the stiff...................grave
letting the dead.................the hearse
it is Jun, .........................being brave
We .........to the Cape, I cultivate
myself..............................from the sky
where the sea..................like an iron gate
and we touch. In .................people die.
My darling, the wind........................
from the ...........water and when we touch
...................touch entirely. No one's alone.
Men kill for this, or for........
And what of the dead? They lie............
in their............They are more like.........
than the sea would be............. They refuse
to be blessed, throat, eye and knucklebone.
Rhyming with abab pattern. *written for poet's dead mother
*Rula, this poem is for you
Rula
I had told you Stan will dial 999 for you soon. Good luck!
in case you don't know what abab pattern is, I guess verse 1& 3 and verse 2 & 4 follow the same rhyming pattern, thanks to a friend who told me what acbc means, this is all the help I can offer ..hahaha.
thanks to the
Friend and to you too raj
hahaha
Looks like you know who that
Looks like you know who that friend is ..hahaha...I guess you are headed for a sleepless night with the bugs planted by Stan in your mind.....lol.. I certainly don't envy you because i wonder how to think like a dead....
Everybody
Please comment within the next few days on the first two revised poems if you haven't already. Thanks...........stan
question
Would ya'll prefer I post the original versions of the poems being rewritten when I comment on them or wait until all revisions are posted?..........stan
My Opinion
If you post the original version before, the other participants would be left with nothing to comment. The question is how long you (Stan) should wait before posting the original? From personal experience I can say that for the one who has been assigned a poem and published his/her version, there is considerable level of curiosity to know how closely it matches the original or how way too different it is.
My suggestion
how about this? Why don't you post the original poems after you have commented on their attempt on the assignments ,Stan, since you choose to wait for other's comments before you deliver your own?
hi raj and alid
thanks for your input...........stan
Everybody
Please don't forget to hit the "workshop" button when you comment on a poem. It gives that neat looking outline to the comments..........stan
awaiting
Wes and Carrie's comments on rewritten poems ...........but not forever lol
Ok after doing my head in
Ok after doing my head in overnight I have my edit finished and posted ... it wasn't an easy poem Stan LOL
Jayne x
I have posted the original of Raj's poem.
Others can catch up as best they can. I intend to post one original per day so everybody will have ample time to comment of the original vs. rewritten version.........stan
Weirdness
I let a comment here yesterday after I posted my poem and the comment has disappeared the Neopoet elves have been stealing my comments again lol... thanks for the thoughts on my edit of incident everyone
Love Jayne
Next assignments
TALL TREES BLEED RED by Julia Blacke
Sometimes, I cease life
to .............tall trees, as far as..........................,
then call upon memories,.........,........ and bare
Images of time..................;shifting symbols
of......... .........., but they will never know, or hear,
my thoughts so..... .........home.
It tears me apart standing here, in a land where waving........
thrash against... ....., that someday you'll be............,
a red romance, that ........bled into the shades of...........
And I try to ........ our songs in the whispering ........,
invoking storms of my heart like the ..... ... ..........,
And the ........ of red wine, as it ..... ..... .... your lips,
to where bones of the dead............. ... ........
and true love......... ............
Hi Carrie (lonelyhrtsclub13) this one's for you............stan
and........
THE NEGRO SPEAKS OF RIVERS by Langston Hughes (to W.E.B. Du Bois)
I've known rivers
I've known rivers ancient ..... ..... ........... and......... than the
flow of ........ blood in ........... veins.
My soul has ..... ..... like the rivers.
I.... in the Euphrates when .......... were young.
I built my ..... near the Congo and it ..... me.... to... sleep
I looked upon the ........ and raised the pyramids .... ..
I heard the .... of the Mississippi when ........ Lincoln
went.......... to New Orleans, and I've seen its.............
bosum turn .... ..... in the sunset.
I've known rivers
............, dusky rivers
My .......... has grown ..... like the rivers
Alidzain this is your poem
got it
writing this one down before it disappears again
next poems have been assigned
to Carrie and alid
stan
I tried to find the meaning of the word "bosum " from the poem you have assigned to me but even in the dictionary.reference.com, it came up with nothing. Is this the right spelling, stan?
Alid
Hi Al
Likely a mispell of Bossum but I copied it straight from the book
Carrie & Alid
The assignments could keep you busy for a while. Good luck :)
Stan
How about you? Would you want Jayne or Chrys to tickle you a bit with an assignment? :)
Is there anyway to refresh
this website page to read the new comments? it seems like I'm stuck with the older feedbacks and can't retrieve the assignment Stan has given me.
Alid
Partial fix
go to shop title page then click on the link for page 2. That will get you here
Alid
On reloading the page I am able to see the poem given to you as assignment. For Bosum do a google if a dictionary doesn't list it..
Raj
this is killing me. I've done the search and it brings out more questions than answers. Bosum is related to the words like boobies, tits and bra? One even comes out in a foreign tongue website??? Now I scratched my head and wonder what does it has to do with rivers. Even if I become bald, I doubt I'll find the answer. LOL. now I know how hard it is trying to refrain from checking out the original poem.
Oh well, seems like I just need to err with dignity instead of cheating..Gonna try my best. Wish me luck!
Alid
Alid
It must be pretty late in the night there. So before you run out of hair, tuck that poem in a corner of your mind and sleep over it. When you wake up there is a good chance of your finding clues. I know it's not so easy s I have already wished you and Carry good luck :)
though i am not 100 % sure bosum could mean the same as bosom..
I
Assume it is meant as reference to the frontal chest area (could be used for either male or female)
got it, Raj
i'm doing it now.(saluting the comrade)
Alid
Alid
Great! Looks like you are finding it easier than I thought :)
i mean
googling for bosum, not doing the assignment itself ;)...anyway, i think i know how to beat this "missing new comments" problem. i just need to make a comment on the workshop page and it reverts to the one with newer comment.its the only thing i could do when refreshing don't work.
this is getting on my nerve
i did refresh the page and it still bring out the same comments!
...
...
Hi, everyone
i'm back!
....still can't see comments
....still can't see comments till I comment....
yeah
my side here is crazy sometimes okay, sometimes k.o
Alid
checking the
assignment again
....
....
Alid check my comment on my
Alid check my comment on my workshop poem it may help you submit...
Hi, everyone!
I've posted my assignment but something's no right. don't know how to get rid of the words appearing between the title and the poem!
Configure
Edit
Delete
Unpublish
Alid
Grrrr this is starting to
Grrrr this is starting to annoy me lol...
They only show up to you Alid
They only show up to you Alid as its your poem I can't see them...
Love Jayne x
what!!!
goodness me, this is just crazy.am i being singled out here by the bugsy in neopoet?
Alid
....
....
I get that sometimes on my
I get that sometimes on my poems its nothing to worry about night...or nearly day here lol
Off to sleep i go...
Love J xxx
Everybody
Let's chill till our technical team work this out. Let's keep cool till they get a breakthrough which I am sure they would...
test
test test
please can i sign in and join in
can i be accepted into the forum please, i want to join in kindly sir
yes
You are now on participant's list. You have a lot of catching up to do! I'll PM you about what you need to do.........stan
....
....
...is it fixed yet ?
...is it fixed yet ?
to the best of knowledge not
to the best of knowledge not yet
I'm still going to try.
I have lost the vast majority of this thread. I have now only a third of the comments on my page. I thought perhaps because of the large volume it went to a second page, but cannot find the first if that is the case.
Anyway.
I have been assigned the honor of giving Stan his poem, so here it is below. If it doesn't post, I'll do it again. Somebody, anybody let me know if it has arrived.
The Lay of Leithian by J. R. R. Tokien
A king there was in days of old:
ere Men yet … the mould
his power was … in cavern’s shade,
his hand was over glen and glade.
Of … his crown, his … green,
his silver lances …;
the starlight in his shield was caught,
ere moon was made or sun was wrought.
In after-days, when to the shore
of Middle-earth from Valinor
the Elven-hosts in might returned,
and …,
when kings of Eldamar went by
in strength of war, …
then still his … trumpets blew
when sun was young and moon was new.
Afar then in Beleriand,
In Doriath’s … land,
King Thingol sat on … throne
in … halls of stone:
there beryl, pearl, and opal pale,
and metal wrought … mail,
buckler and corslet, axe and sword,
and … spears were laid in hoard:
all these he had and counted small,
for … than all wealth in hall,
and … than are born to Men,
a daughter had he, Luthien.
Wesley
I didn't know that Stan agreed to my suggestion that he too be assigned a poem to fill in the blanks. It could be because of truncated comments in the thread. Reading what you have said would mean that he has agreed and also means that I could read your comment above about which you have sought confirmation. Not sure though if you would be able to read this.
lol
I DID list myself as a participant. Not fair to skip this or to assign myself a poem so I let Wes find one for me as "punishment" for his being AWOL.........stan
What?
Are you writing with the secret ink these days?
I'm able to read what you are posting, I think. I'm here, but it's been a tiring quick journey. I'll try to join as soon as possible. Can't think of anything at the moment but sleeping.
Be well all.
Hi Rula
Welcome back after a tiring journey. I can understand your predicament about "what all this is about"? t is like this:-
A couple of days back, while you were gone, some sort of bug hit this work shop thread, due to which portions of comments got lost, presumably because this thread has become heavy in terms of bytes as well as length. that's the long and short of it. Our technical team is reportedly working on setting this right and since we are now communicating on this very thread, it could be that they already have sorted it out. You will know if things have been streamlined when you wake up and able to read this comment :)
Regards,
راج
شكرا للايضاح
Hi Rula
I couldn't make out what you have said because it is in urdu, you may have to teach that to me first :)
hello raj
It's Arabic. It says raj thank you for the explanation .[raj shukran liledah]
Hello Rula
Shukran for the translation of arabic to english. Shukran is quite close to Shukriya in urdu.
EVERYBODY
Another reminder that a temporary "fix" is in place. To reach page 2 one must go to the original title page and click on the link titled Page 2. Today March 11 is my birthday so I'm taking rest of the day off and will be back tomorrow...........stan
Stan
Wishing You A Happy Birthday and Many Happy Returns of this Day. Wishing you the best of health, wealth, happiness, peace and lots of smiles to bring cheer to every day and always.
Have a great celebration,
P.S. Thanks for providing link to page 2 of this thread
happy
New assignment boss (((smiles))).I bet you like Wesley's gift.
Hi Rula
can translate this for me - .."Ahlan wasahlan"?
Alid
Just a wild guess..it could
Just a wild guess..it could be Alla the Supreme...lets see if my guess is right or way off target....
No, Raj
I think what you are referring to is Allah which means "God" in the Arabic word to the muslims.
Alid
hello khalid
It means "welcome"
Thanks, Rula
I'm trying to learn some Arabic in the hope of understanding the Al-Quran. I realized that while I can read it I don't know a lot of the words in it.
Alid
Stan
Many happy returns for the day Stan I hope you have a wonderful birthday, I love the poem Wesley chose for you good luck with it I look forward to reading your edit
love Jayne x
Wishing you a belated happy birthday, Stan
May you have a long and beautiful life,,,,,
Alid
Stan
You wont win, I is going to have a birthday in a week or so, then the same gap will be there so you can keep calling me Sir ..
Have a great day enjoy life as it is a precious gift to us all.
May you have many more great days,
Yours an Older Ian.T. He, He, He
pls can i enroll
I'd really like to join the workshop to learn more please can i be accepted
I suggest
you send a PM to Scribller (Stan) about it
please can you help me
I'm having a hard time doing it here
OK I will
forward your request to Stan via PM so that it gets noticed quickly
Emeka
Stan has given you the poem for your assignment. Have you received it? Please inform us if you didn't.
Alid
Hi emeka
I came back on line today and 1st thing I did was check my messages and then enrolled you. Check you Private Messages for instructions for catching up. Welcome.....................stan
All Participants
Is everybody back on track with knowing how to access page 2 on shop thread? If not holler here..............stan
Stan
Hollering "I now know how to access Page 2 of shop thread"..hope you heard me hollering lol
Hi All
I have completed my assignment bit will post it last so everybody can all laugh at the same time.
lol
Not sure if it is to buy more time to submit :)
Stan
Have you chosen the assignment for Emeka?
Alid
Stan
The workshop seems very quite,any new poems to be reviewed
Chrys
I agree with you, not just here in WS but generally in the stream too. You may have noticed that Stan has posted two originals. Perhaps, you may want to take a look see at them if you haven't already.
we have work
why don't we write on the subject moonless night, or what do you think appeals? i love your poetry so i'm privileged to be working with you
Emeka
Please make sure for whom your message / comment above is made to avid confusion. Apparently it would be for your partner for this workshop chosen by Stan...which I believe is Chrys.... yet it's always good to be clear about for whom your comment is meant...
Next poem
THE SOUND OF TREES by Robert Frost
I wonder about the trees
Why do we .... to........
Forever the .........of these
........than another noise
So close to our...........place?
We suffer them..... .. ....
Till we lose all measure of ........
And............. in our joys
And acquire a listening air.
They are that talks of........
But .......gets away;
And that .... no ...... ... knowing,
As it grows ........and older,
That now it means to stay.
My .....tug at the floor
And my head............ .. ...shoulder
................when I watch trees.........
From the window or the door.
I shall set forth for........
I shall make the ..........choice
Some day when they are in voice
and.....so as to scare
the...........clouds over them on.
I shall have .........to say
But I shall be...........
Wes this poem's yours...........stan
Last assignment
AUNT JENNIFER'S TIGERS by Adrienne Rich
Aunt Jennifer's tigers................across the screen,
.........topaz denizens of a world of green.
They do not .........the men....the tree;
They ........ .. sleek chivalric certainty.
Aunt Jennifer's fingers............. through her wool
Find even the ivory......... hard to ............
The ..........weight of Uncle's .........band
Sits ..........upon Aunt.............hand
When Aunt is dead her terrified hands will lie
Still ......with ordeals she was mastered by.
The tigers in the ...........that she made
Will go on prancing, proud and ............
This rhyming poem is for emeka.
do i post my answers directly
do i post my answers directly to you Stan, or how do i go about it
Hi emeka
All comments which have to do with the workshop in general should post here on this thread. The comments on others' shop poetry as well as your own shop poems should be made on the site stream. (comments on poems of course go below the poems..........stan
aunt jennifers tigers
aunt jennifers tigers tame across the screen
splatter topaz denizens of a world of green
they do not fell the men falling the tree
they sprig sleek chivalric certainty
aunt jennifers fingers fiend through her wool
find even the ivory woven hard to ghoul
the sepia weight of uncle's brown band
sits coupon upon aunt poesy's hand
when aunt is dead her terrified hands will lie
still papyrus with ordeals she was mastered by
the tigers in the same that she made
will go on prancing , proud and fade
emeka
its good that you have done the assignment but you need to put it into the stream. follow these steps
1. Highlight your finished assignment.
2. Press the left button on your mouse and click on "Copy".
3, Go and click on workshop button
4. Click on "Submit a poem"
5. Insert the title and make sure you remember to add (For Stan's WS) beside it.
6. Left click on the mouse button and click on "Paste" in the space below it.
7. Under the poem's column, choose the workshop by click on the button and submit it like any other poem
8. The poem must appear on the stream, if not you may need to ask Stan's or someone else's expertise
Hi emeka
Please move this poem to the general site stream. This allows those Not in this workshop to also comment and maybe even learn a bit by accident lol...........stan
wow, love it
by tomorrow ill have a bite of the cherry, Stan your workshop rocks
Hi Emeka
I'm sure you can learn a lot from here that could help you improve on your writing. I do. If you can use it in your poems, I believe you can make them better..
Alid
We all
are awaiting Wesley........hint, hint...............stan
Stan
how long will we wait for him? sorry. I'm feeling anxious...
Alid
If
He doesn't post his tonight,I'll post mine in the morning then we'll proceed............stan
List of subjects for joint poems
While on a walk in the woods
Thunderstorm
Snow fall
Early spring
At a funeral
At the beach
Waterfall
At a concert
A hot day
A very cold day
Wind
Darn'd car won't start
Moonless night
Summer evening
New love
Lost love
*Don't get your heart set on any of these yet as your partner (yet to be assigned) will have to agree..........stan
List of subjects for joint poems
While on a walk in the woods
Thunderstorm
Snow fall
Early spring
At a funeral
At the beach
Waterfall
At a concert
A hot day
A very cold day
Wind
Darn'd car won't start
Moonless night
Summer evening
New love
Lost love
*Don't get your heart set on any of these yet as your partner (yet to be assigned) will have to agree..........stan
Stan
I understand that you would be making the pairs of contestants for working together on a theme of their choice from amongst those listed by you above. It is fair for me to say that this exercise would be coinciding with a period when I would be a lot more occupied with my professional commitments. This may not provide enough time to focus on the exercise, in spite of my best interest to do so. It would therefore be unfair for whosoever my chosen partner for this workshop exercise would be. In view of this, it is fair that I notify about this to you in advance, so that, you can count me out. I will however do my best by to work on a theme independently if time permits just to not miss out on the opportunity, of course if you would allow me to do so.
Regards,
Don't
worry about lack of time. I'm fully aware of how the real world often intrudes. I will choose for you a partner who is capable of proceeding alone if need be. But since I expect this portion to take 3-4 weeks I believe you will at least be able to agree on topic and maybe help with edit and such. I any case if time grows Too short, your partner can always post poem on their own...................stan
Stan
Thanks for being considerate. It's not that I wouldn't be able to find no time at all. What I meant was that in a joint venture exercise who so ever is the partner chosen for me by you, shouldn't feel that I am not contributing enough.
Raj
I think it will be all okay since you have explained the situation before hand. You can also inform your partner about it again if you want. We all do the best that we can in the time that we have. No one can ask for more. Anyway, I believe the partner Stan will choose for you will be skillful enough to cover up for the time you're not around.
Alid
My way of thinking is
in a family, Mother knows best, while in a workshop like this, the Mentor knows best. LOL
Alid
First partner assignment
I will assign one pair of partners per day so that the shop will not have to digest so many poems at a time. The first partners are Serendipity and raj.
Stan
Thanks for the pairing. It would be to my advantage to have Jayne to lead our team.
A few questions:-
1. Are we to announce the theme chosen by us or keep it to ourselves till we post?
2. We need to post our poem when it's ready in the stream indicating of course that it is for the WS. Right?
3. Are we supposed to have a name for our Team?
I am waiting for Jayne to show up. She has done a disappearing act of sorts and not seen around over the past few days
raj
I don't expect either of a pair to lead but that's up to the two of you. There's no need to name your team beyond your names unless you just want to. And it would likely be best to not announce your topic to public until you post poem. I would like for ya'll to let me know the topic via PM so that there won't be 3-4 teams writing on same topic............stan PS try sending Jayne a PM
Stan
Most of the things I said were just to rev up everybody cuz I notice things have become sort of quiet here these days....we will certainly PM to you the topic we choose once Jayne wakes up and takes up the reigns..I have already sent to her a wake up call via PM
I think this
makes a good pair Stan.
Would you please fulfill one of my few wishes in this life and make me work with Wesley?
I'd be really grateful....Of course if Wesley doesn't mind it.
Hope I'm not asking for the impossible :)
Rula
One of the things I'm trying to do is pair writers who have different styles as partners. And Nobody else writes like Wes lol. But I'll let you know in due time (can't let ya'll get a head start if paired)...........stan
Thanks Stan
I understand whatever decision you take. I believe each writer/ poet is unique. No one is alike anyone else, and as a result I believe this task shall be even harder than the previous one.
Everybody
Watch out folks! Here we come.!!!
I am announcing Jayne to be our team Captain.
As a Lady, she will have the first pick at the theme topic and I will give it my gentlemanly unanimous approval
She will shortly be announcing our Team Name
Wish us the very best, even though there are no prizes
PS: I shall be doing the ghost duties lol..
Raj and Jayne
Ya'll take your time in coming up with a poem. We all expect something exceptional from one another in this final(?) part of the shop...........stan
Awwww
that "final (?)" has been keeping me on my toes to keep guessing what could be the final (twist) you have in store for all of us ...lol....
While we await
The poetry from the teams let's discuss the types of imagery and how using them all can result in exacting imagery without inserting too much imagery. There are 7 types of imagery. We'll begin with Visual imagery which describes what we see. An example would be : I look through a dusty window. A bad example would be :
I look through a blurry dusty window which impedes my sight. So let's each come up with a good use of Visual imagery and one which is overdone and post it on this shop thread............stan
Transparent Senryu
Just a thought about visual here Stan, hope you don't mind, as there is little going on at the moment lol
Glass sparkle laid flat
All Refraction's corrected
I now see the world
A Japanese visual, good luck with this wonderful workshop,
Yours as always Ian.T
How about this, Ian
The Moon
The mistress of night,
touching the world with her light,
a sign of God's grace
Alid
My little interjection was just to let the workshop know , that I read their words even if not partaking of the workshop.
One day we may talk about a God, but not today it is a subject for many outside of their poetic skills..
Take care you are in my thoughts, Yours Ian.T
The overdone example
The overdone example
I saw the clustered clouds flocking into the sky.
A better one perhaps something like
Onto the sky's page
are faces running with tears
floating grey or black
What does everyone think?
Rula
You are a quick learner which is why you responded so quickly to Stan's examples by coming with a fitting one about overdone and better one...I am sure you will prove to be a good creative partner to anyone Stan chooses for you for this exercise...
I am sorry
I hope I didn't offend anyone here by asking to be Wesley's partner in this workshop. It is just a wish I expressed, but it's an honor to work with anyone of my friends.
Just thought I'd apologize if i miss expressed myself.
Hmmm....
What makes you think your "overdone "one has too much imagery?
i'm thinking
that the word "wild" actually means it hasn't been disturbed thus the rest of the sentence is like a repetition of what it is.
Alid
i like the overdone example
i like the overdone example more
I agree with Raj, Rula
You are a fast learner. my attempt.
i see a wild red rose, unmolested by mortal fingers through time
a better one will be
In a garden
a red rose stands
wild and free...
Tell me what you guys think
Me thinks it is good. However
Me thinks it is good. However, you may think of doing away with "In the garden"
You mean like this?
I see
a red rose stands
wild and free...
Alid
Alid
"I see" need not be written because 1. it is obvious and 2. it not be that only you see it.
Just my thought
Okay, Raj
Noted.
A red rose stands
wild and free...
Alid
Examples
Overdone
The glittering stars were paled by the magnificent beauty of the Moon in the sky
Better one
The stars were like sequins
pinned on the lunar robe
while she stole many a heart
with each stride on the celestial ramp
Next pair
Due to Rula's request (as well as their different styles) Rula and Wes are the next pair.
Today we'll discuss a second type of imagery : Auditory which is what one hears. That's pretty self explanatory I think so instead of writing a few lines just using auditory, let write some in which both auditory and visual are used Ex :
I saw the leaves colored so bold
as they shivered in the breeze
each had a story untold
in quite rustling before time of freeze................yeah the meter's pretty bad lol. But by combining these 2 types imagery one can often paint a clearer picture than by using just one
Thanks alot Stan
for fulfilling this wish. I am really grateful and I know you won't regret it.
Many thanks again Boss!
Rula
I would now be looking forward to you and Wesley coming out tops. Best wishes.
Thanks raj
Has your partner woken up yet :). it won't be a walk on the beach task. I just know it.
Wish you two the best too.
Yes Rula
I am sure your mentor and now partner for this joint venture would be expecting a lot from you to lie up to his expectations, The end product though would surely be worth it and give you joy. As for my partner from down under she apparently is still in snooze mode :)
How about this as an example
How about this as an example for visual and auditory imaging?
The sky was sprinkled with salt and pepper,
a thunderous storm sent kids to shelter,
no sooner the roof tops sounded the bell,
they scurried to the courtyard to gather the hail
strong
in both departments.........stan
Stan
Thanks for the confirmation that I read your guidelines correctly and could implement them in those four lines attempted by me.
My attempt
The door creaked noisily
when mum entered the room
to tell a bedtime story
to me and my pet, Bloom
strong
in auditory but not so strong in the visual. What kind of pet and what color? Dis mum enter a darkened of well lit room? Remember that strong imagery is often conveyed in details.............stan
A belated attempt
under the thick shadows of the night
moon-face's weak to beam a light
only ghosts with owls' sounds go fast
leaving fearful echoes to cast.
alid
in the streak
calling forth
horse-rider
of east sun bare
glossy to window pane
as light lets in
stan
A request, Stan. Maybe you can PM the next appointed pair if they failed to acknowledge the assignment. Its just in case if there's a glitch in the system again or if they are not aware..
Alid
good idea
I'll do so from now on................stan
Correcting my attempt
The door creaked noisily
when mum entered the dimly-lit room
to tell a bedtime story
to me and my Siamese cat, Bloom
Alid
Alid
If I may suggest, there is no need to have the word "noisily" because the word "creaked" amply suggests that. It could be like
The door of our dimly lit room creaked
as mum searched her way to our bed
and the Frankenstein tale she read
gave me and my Siamese the creeps
Okay, Raj
Noted Thanks for the suggestions
Alid
Next pairing
Since some members haven't participated much lately and one member hasn't participated at all, the choosing is become more difficult. Also with there now being an odd number of active participants somebody will be left without a partner. Since I consider this pairing of participants and their resultant poems to be one of the most important parts of this shop I don't think it fair to ask another to bow out. So I will bow out of the pairing instead.
Today's pairing will be China Blue and emeka.
Now onward to the next type of imagery : Tactile - this is how something feels to touch. So let's try a 3-4 line stanza which includes all three types imagery discussed so far. My example
I saw a far off poplar tree
from which a squirrel was scolding me
as cold wind chilled my old bald pate
and coarse wool coat began to grate
Stan
I appreciate the largeness of your heart by offering to bow out. It would be quite unfair to leave you out because in doing so 1) the lucky participant whom you would decide to partner would be denied an opportunity to work with a fine craftsman of imagery and 2) so too would be others like me who look forward to your submission for bench marking. Under the circumstances, I propose that China Blue pairs with you in addition to her pairing with Emeka and if she agrees we would be treated to what I am sure would be a unique concoction. I put this proposal to vote by fellow participants
I am
Thinking about getting Jess to assign me a subject from the list then winging it on my own. But I'm also waiting to hear back from Carrie as to whether the real world has raised its head and gobbled up her available time. If such is the case then that will leave Alid and me to partner. So the next pairing won't be announced until this weekend..................stan PS I think asking ANY participant to partner with two people would not be fair to any of the 3 who would be involved
Imagery types
The reason for going over the 7 types of imagery is pretty simple. One of the ways to help Not overuse imagery is to use a mixture of different Types of imagery .
The towering white barked polar slowly shed its golden leaves.....almost all visual
the tall poplar's autumn leaves rustled against its smooth bark....use of all 3 types imagery so far discussed (plus one we haven't discussed) gives almost the same description without seeming too crowded with imagery
the cyclops
the cyclops
in his solitary parch
scalding a love-lost kiss
upon my dripping brow
melts shutter the phantasm
My two pence
A droplet of dew, was about to slide
atop a rose bud, on its satiny hide
that moment of anguish, sparkled my eyes
but the treacherous Sun stifled my sighs
raj
I could feel and see but couldn't hear a sound. Have I missed something here?
Rula
"stifled sighs" perhaps you didn't hear because they were stifled :)
My mistake
sorry, didn't get its meaning in the context the way you've explained. I thought it means consealed but not choked.
Now I am confused, May be you
Now I am confused, May be you are right Rula
My attempt
I saw the lightning ,crackled across the sky
as the howling wind sends a chill to my bones
then the hands of my love and mine entwined
and I am no longer lost and alone
Bravo
Khalid!
Vivid imagery but not overdone.
Good job!
Here is mine
It is the mother's day in my part of the world. So the moment inspired
My baby's kiss
A velvet touch
onto my skin slipped
blessed me that much
though mutely lipped
Rula
Good one, but where is the auditory bit?
mutely
No?
Don't follow me. I am lost too:)
Rula
If mutely is auditory then stifled should be too isn't it? Now it's not just confusion, you got me into a maze...lol...
raj
I agree with Rula about the lack of auditory in your stanza..........stan
Stan
perhaps being "stifled" you too didn't hear the sigh :)
Alid
Very good stanza. A good example of how blending imagery can help keep something from being too "flowery".............stan
Thanks, Rula and Stan
for the comment Happy Mother's Day to you, Rula,
Alid
Rula and Raj
maybe you can tweak them a bit. My suggestion for Raj
.A droplet of dew, was about to slide
atop a rose bud, on its satiny hide
that moment of anguish, sparkled my eyes
but the treacherous Sun can't hear my sighs
I want to suggest something for you too, Rula something about laughter but I can't make i rhyme... maybe stan can help out......
Alid
Thanks Alid. Great change
Thanks Alid. Great change suggested by you.
Two
types of imagery are very tightly related. These are also types which studies indicate are powerful in how they can trigger memories. Being so they are also powerful means of conveying imagery. These two are Olfactory (smell0 and Gustatory (taste). I slept badly last night because I was dream haunted so I am too tired to come up with a sample verse but I expect these two forms are self explanatory enough that ya'll can write a few lines using both of them as well as at least one of the other imageries we've discussed..................stan
PS If anybody is having problems with the co-written poems just holler
My Olfactory & Gustatory
My Olfactory & Gustatory attempt
Her chocolaty smile
melted me to the core
when I tucked in her lapel
a fresh bud of rose
my olfactory and gustatory
my olfactory and gustatory
dapple daises her aura
jockey nostrils
char on whom
crest-falling pecks love
triggers a painted smile
for blood on her lips
My attempt
The smell of lavender
reminds me of mother
who loves to bake
her sweet lemon cakes
Nicely done Alid
Nicely done Alid
Both
beautifully done gentlemen.
I wonder where everyone else is.
My olfactory, gustatory attempt
The fresh morning
breezed through the olive tree,
to awake the bitterness
in Palestine
Nicely done by you too Rula
Nicely done by you too Rula and I can make out it was inspired in the context of the situation in Palestine
Stan
Are we headed to a situation when there would soon be a need to switch to page #3?
I think
that will be the case if the situation did not improve. I wonder if its a glitch that is keeping the others away from the workshop.
Alid
The
previous glitch didn't appear until the comments passed 300. Thus I expect we'd have to pass 600 before another page is needed. I don't anticipate that happening. As to others being AWOL I suspect it's not a glitch, but the real world intruding on their time...........stan
Folks
Our (Me & Serendipity) joint post is awaiting green signal from our Workshop Guru :)
All the best
Raj for you and your partner. Still waiting Wesley to show up. Haven't started anything yet. :(
Thanks for your wishes Rula.
Thanks for your wishes Rula. All I can tell you is that the theme is not from my comfort zone. No prizes though for guessing it right...lol...
Get rid of those grumps. While you wait for Wesley to show up, I suggest you get started with a theme and he can can take it from there when he joins..i guess that's what he would expect of you to do...good luck to you two too...
Not from your comfort zone?
Bah! With both of your skills, I doubt you'll have much trouble with the assignment. No sir. I won't dare to underestimate your group. Not with Jayne as your partner.
Alid
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to stop in and say WOW, what a workshop! 479 comments worth of great discussion, and I've only been able to skim it so far. Wish I could have had the time to show up a few days ago.
Keep up the amazing work everyone. I am ecstatic about the amazing work you're all doing for this shop.
Everybody
We seem to be having a few problems with formerly active participants going AWOL. If you have already been assigned a partner but can't get a response from them please go ahead on your own but wait at least a day before posting your poem..........stan
Stan
Please confirm that the poem is to be posted in stream by mentioning in the title that it is for your workshop and checking the workshop box....
Yes
That is correct
sorry to take so long to say it officially
I regretfully with draw from this fantastic workshop. Great kudos to Stan, it's one of the best ever, and I hope that others of you with life commitments might come back. To explain
I was on my way to visit my mother, who since Patience's death has wandered around the care home looking for her. We can't keep reminding her she is dead as each time it inflicts the grief anew. I almost wish I could believe in a god just to abuse the bastard for inflicting this horrendous malady on anyone,
It is a hard painful time for me.
regards
Be strong, Jess
Send my regards to your family. I know it is a hard time because the same thing happen to my mum when dad passed away. It took awhile for her to accept his death.
Alid
Hi Jess
Death is just a final part of life and who knows but what there may well be something beyond death. The universe allows Nothing to go to waste. You take all the time you need to come to grips with your loss and we'll see you when we see you..............stan
Sorry for my absence
and I am so sorry to have kept Raj waiting he has gone ahead and wrote a poem on his own so I will take theme and also write one on my own I noticed that we have three to four weeks so I plan to use the next couple of weeks working on my submission I want to use all the time allowed to get the best result ... sorry again for he absence it could not be helped
Jayne
Welcome back my WS partner
Welcome back my WS partner Jayne...now that you are back I am not submitting the poem till I share it with you ...I shall PM it to you...
hi sis
Life Does have a way of intruding doesn't it? Perhaps I made a mistake in assigning partners for this but I thought by placing dissimilar writers together that both their horizons would expand. Welcome back and I hope all is now well with you...........stan
china blue where are you? pls
china blue where are you? pls grope me unto you lets liaise for our theme
Hi emeka
Perhaps you should go ahead and choose a topic and write a rough draft of a poem on it. Then if china resurfaces she can co-operate with you on polishing the poem. ..............stan
Emeka
i suggest you send a PM *Private Message to China Blue, which she is likely to notice quickly
Emeka
I have had work done on my eye but I have been here all the long was waiting for a PM so we can work together pm me please
Everybody
It is beginning to look like my idea of pairing people up is not working out well. I may just get each person (who hasn't already started a co-write) post a poem of his/her own. But I'm putting off that decision until Wednesday.
In the mean time there is another very important type of imagery to discuss and practice with : Organic. This is a type imagery which describes an internal state such as anger or hunger or such. This directly describes the emotion or state of the writer An example
The peace of my morning walk
in which I'd failed to even stumble
was brought to end by hunger's stalk
and subsequent old stomach's rumble
Ya'll give it a try with 2-4 lines. ...............stan
My try with Organic Imagery
The brutal killing of innocent beings,
senseless ranting of political big wigs
blatant abuse of female flesh,
this, that and what not trade,
gets me enraged, throw up, bleed
and comatose
my attempt
What is this I see before me?
A wall of water rising higher and higher,
threatening to swallow the life out of me..
Helpless humans scream in terror,
scattering like ants in the face of danger.
The threat vanquish my courage
and I join the ranks of men who flee,
hoping to escape from nature's wraith....
Good one Alid focused on
Good one Alid focused on Nature's Fury, terror and anger as organic imagery..
How about?
let the wind rage,
let the wind roar,
let it take soreness
the war always bore.
Hmmm....
Organic imagery is meant to describe the inner state of mind or physical well being of the protagonist. Perhaps I should use a well known poet for an example . So, Poe's "the Raven" :
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door-
" 'Tis some visitor." I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
only this and nothing more."
See the way he described both the physical and inner weariness of the protagonist? This is Organic imagery.....stan
Stan
You didn't say if our (mine, Alid & Rula's) attempts were good enough or way off the mark. Please do that so we know...
the object of a war monger
the object of a war monger greedy
and flay bellies arsenic
paramour rodents in churches of rat
emeka, this is superb use of compressed imagery
with meaning. We must never forget meaning whatever imagery we choose, it is the poet's Prime Imperative.
This strikes at perhaps more conservative, war-mongering hearts than you even intended.
Great work!
Now
The last type imagery is called "Kinetic" . This is imagery which describes motion (or lack thereof) or tension. Again, in Poe's Raven above this is exemplified by the rapping and tapping .
All these types of imagery can be used together to even better effect than singly and by using more than one type imagery we can more easily avoid over use of any one type.
I have decided I made a mistake in trying to assign partners for the final shop poems. I suspect the time zone differences carry a great deal of blame for this not working out. But whatever the cause may be I am going to allow those who haven't already begun a collaborative poem to write a poem on their own. DO NOT post your poem until I announce your turn. I am going to tell 2 people per day to post . I hope this will keep any one poem from being over looked. It's midnight now and I'll post first two names in about 10-12 hours............stan
I think I understand
Organic should describe the writer's feelings or state of mind so i'm going to redo the attempt on the organic, followed by an attempt on kinetic.
Organic -
Lamentation
In a moment of anger,
I pounced on the man
who has insulted my mother
and punched him on the face.
I lose control,unable to stop
even when he started to bleed.
When I finally released him,
I realized that he no longer breathes
and I felt a mountain of regret,
lying on my shoulders
O God, what have I done?
What have I done?
Kinetic
Children At Play
Sitting on the wooden bench,
I watched the children at play,
laughing and running freely.
full of life and energy.
I can't help feeling envious
of a life so carefree.
Announcement
Any teams which have already begun their co-write may continue on if they so desire. To those who haven't or to those who wish to abandon any co-write I will allow individual poems to be entered.
As already stated I will pick 2 people per day to submit their individual poems. But instead of doing this each day, I'm going to do this every other day in order to give more time for both writing the poems and for each poem to gather comments. As usual, post the poem on stream with "imagery shop" beside title.
First to post poems will be Rula and raj. If either of you are wanting to continue with a co-write let me know ..............PS Everybody is doing great and I apologize for the delay caused by my assigning partners............stan
Hi Stan
if possible, I would like to continue with the co-write.
Alid
Point Omega by Ron Woodruff
Point Omega by RW
(to Don Delillo)
The mind sees through scaley eyes
gelatinous atoms inside are oozing
flinging electrons into others, lazily
rapid fireflies colliding.....sparks
consciousness is weary, grown sphinx-like, tired
The eternal experiment has failed again
it's designs fall to the will
of the pack
gold verticle eyes point the gene of destruction
consciousness itself has a consciousness
it has spun ancient and thin, it dreams of a collapsing universe
it pleads for rest out of time
implores to throw off matter
once again
to become
stones upon a molten field
Ron
BlueDemon77
Stan
Can thinking be kinetic too?
Alid
Alid
My Opinion: If "thinking" is a state of mind then it could qualify as a kinetic w.r.t. a mind in a state of "inertia"...that's my take let's hear what Stan and others would say...
good question
I believe that "thinking" could well be either kinetic (I am thinking) or organic (my thinking led me to a conclusion). Your question illuminates that the manner in which many words are used governs which type imagery it invokes.
I don't think it's really important that these types of imagery are memorized for this shop. I put them out mainly to broaden people's understanding that there Are many different types of imagery which can be used in order to help prevent imagery over kill.......stan
Mission accomplished
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/western-meadows-right-amount-imag…
However, I am still anxious to work with Wesley anytime he shows up and submit another piece.
Rula, may you anxiety make
Rula, may your anxiety make way for joy subject to grant of your sincere wish by Stan
Hi
You or anybody else who wishes to do so are welcome to post both an individual poem or a co-written one or both. The more thoughtful practice we have here the better I reckon.............stan PS as usual, I'll with hold my comments on poems until others have commented in order to avoid my opinion being given undue weight.
Yes Stan, I know you would do
Yes Stan, I know you would do that, meaning deliver the master stroke last. I will look out for that which would be worth the wait....
On second thought, Stan
I think I try to post a poem on my own first before you assigned a partner for me. While you may choose the person, there is no telling if he or she won't be too busy to really be an active participant here.
Alid
hi
what did I miss?
Alid
spot on
good avenue to portray what we have learnt
emeka
go ahead and proceed without me , I'm sorry but there is a lot going on at home at the moment and I do not want to keep you waiting
o.k i'll try
o.k i'll try
Hi Everybody
I guess you are all aware that the site crashed for a few days. It is up and running now but still not at full strength. So in order to decrease the strain on the temporary solution which is presently in place I ask ya'll to not post any workshop related material either here or on stream until Sunday. This will give us all more time to work on poems anyway lol.......stan
Another announcement
Since site went off line again, let's delay until Wednesday before proceeding with shop work..........stan
"right amount of imagery"
I expect by now everybody knows that trying to put some type formula to determining what the right amount of imagery is is difficult if not impossible. One thing to keep in mind though is that the "right" amount varies with the subject of a poem. What might sound like the right amount in a love poem might be too much on a poem dealing with....say....politics. Also the type of imagery can vary from subject to subject. A poem about a painting would likely not employ much taste or audio imagery. Just a few things to keep in mind about general as well as the amount of imagery,
**Due to recent site problems, let's all go ahead and post any poems written for the shop as soon as they're completed. Just don't forget to put "imagery workshop" or some such beside the title so it can be easily found on stream..........stan
Thank you Stan for sharing
Thank you Stan for sharing your thoughts about "right amount of imagery"
Regards,
Sorry for my absence people I
Sorry for my absence people I have been having a rough time with life, I will return when I can, which hopefully will be soon.
hope everyone's having a safe and happy Easter(those that celebrate)
love Jayne :)
Hey
Life Does have a way of intruding. We are now in the final stage of posting poems on stream. There is no rush in getting this done and I don't intend to "officially" close the shop or this thread for another 2-3 weeks. ........stan
stan you are a genius
it is quite a harder task than i thought , the right amount of imagery is very compelling on selecting images suitable for the title which you carefully hand-picked, we must task ourselves
Hi emeka
Just the fact that you have come to realize that the right amount and type of imagery used in a poem requires some thought makes this shop a success. I have been told by others that I'm pretty good at imagery use but it is apparently a gift because I usually use it with little thought. Now I've come to realize that what comes easily for some might be hard for others (I still stink at sonnets lol). So this shop has helped me as well as the participants.............stan PS to you or any others here, if you are having problems writing on a particular subject feel free to change subjects.
Stan
There being no concrete activity in this thread since your post about three weeks ago, I guess the workshop has concluded. It was a pleasure being a part of it.
Best regards,
Hi everybody
Let me thank you for making this shop such a joy to have run. I apologize for the loss of momentum which apparently was caused by site problems but I think there was still enough accomplished to give everybody new perspectives in their use of imagery in their poetry.
To any who still want, feel free to post their final poems on stream. But there is no need to feel obligated to do so.
I will leave this thread open about one more week so ya'll can offer ideas on how this shop could have been improved...........stan
Stan
If I remember correctly, you were to comment on the final poems one by one. If that is right, I would appreciate to read your comment on my final submission. It would certainly be of help in finding out areas for improvement.
Regards,
Hi raj
I must have missed it. I'll get it read today.............stan
Stan
Thanks. You have conducted the workshop superbly. It was definitely a value addition for an amateur like me.
Best regards,
Hello Stan
I was peeking every now and then. I think your hard work has shown in everyone's responses and submits.
we can't thank you enough for the time you've devoted to all of us.
Do I expect to hear from you on my last submission? It would be an extra generosity from your side .
Many thanks.
Hello
My computer was actually down for a few days recently and i guess I missed seeing your submission. It is my intent to comment on All final submissions. So let me hunt yours up and see what I can do as far as commentary...........stan
Hi everybody
I will be closing this shop down in a couple of days. If you have thoughts to add either here or on any of the poems now is the time to do it. I'd like to thank you all for joining in and hope ya'll enjoyed this execise. Also i welcome tips on how I could have done better...............stan
Hi Stan
It was a pleasure to be part of this workshop. Thank you for conducting it nicely.
Regards,