Barbara Writes
By Barbara Writes, 27 October, 2014
Participants
alidzain
Barbara Writes
Ian.T
wesley snow
gemma stoner
raj
Rula
Skill level
Plunge Pool
Date
-
Short description
Novice Haiku, Senyru, Tanka and Renga poets submit your poem in comment section here for instruction. Expert Japanese poets also submit poem here in comment section for critique and suggestions from each other. Once satisfied I will submit as a Renga poem
alidzain

Haiku- based tanka

As the sun rises
the elder birds leave their nests
to seek food to feed

their hungry younglings waiting
for tasty worms and insects

Senryu- based tanka

For the ones I loved
who have stood by me through time,
I send my prayers.

May your life be blessed, my dear
now until the end of time.

Alid

Barbara Writes

Fear not its as easy just u watch and see
Can you write a senyru or haiku? If u can then that's the hard part. The easy part is to add a Couplet. Now you have five lines of poetry thats call a tanka. Add your tanka to Alid tanka up top and you have a renga poem started.

Barbara Writes

A poor haiku is haiku in training
A senyru is the same as a haiku.

Think about a haiku this way; tell me something about the rain in three lines.
Count your syllables per line, the first line has only 5 syllables the second line has only 7 lines and the third line has only 5 lines.

Think of a senyru this way; tell me something you like about the rain in three lines, then do the same as haiku 5 7 5 syllables only.
Does this help

alidzain

Just a revision. Am I right to say, haiku is about nature and senryu is about people?

Alid

Barbara Writes

Not totally. Haiku can be anything you want, nature animals food whatever. It's a Senyru when you add human tones to it.

American pie
Can sit on a window sill
And attracts jay birds
But if,

Smell of Apple pie
Travels to the neighbors house
And they coming running
It's a senyru.

Crude example

Barbara Writes

Okay now interpret lol
Are you joining us. Glad to have you. All novices and expert welcome

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 6 months ago

I love you always
Spiritually complete
I shall need no more

I held you for many years
I shall hold you beyond time

Ian.T

alidzain

That's shared by friends and family (I count 8 syllables here. Perhaps you can do away with the first word.)
Etch in love and affection

Alid

wesley snow

Rain does not fall down.
Rain is drawn into the Earth.
Newton grasped it first.

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

I cherish moments
being a part of a whole
bunch of loved ones

Together let us rejoice
spirit of togetherness

*
Regards,

alidzain

The senryu's last line is short of one syllable count.
My suggestion -

I cherish moments
shared in my life's journey with
all of my loved ones

Alid

R

Thank you for the suggested alternate line 3. However "loved" being 2 syllables it makes the line of 6 syllables.

Regards,

R

to me "loved" is pronounced like "love ed" and not like "shoved"

Barbara Writes

And one thing I research more was ed on the end off a one syllable word. And I found at least in English it's pronounced as one syllable. But there are counters that count it as two. Finding a counter in sync with all counters seems impossible. I suppose it maybe good to choose a counter for Neopoet that all will use and agree on to go by.

I use the one from poetrysoup Syllable Counter: http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/
If you had one of choice send them to my PM and we'll choose which one all agree to use as the site counter for everybody.

Let me know when yours is ready for the renga

wesley snow

The single syllable word is the more common and the other has been out of vogue for probably fifty years. It should be marked in today's grammar with an accent mark behind love'ed or you could loved'. Anyway, they both work, but the hard part is writing in such a way that one or the other would be obvious to the reader.
Also, meter will dictate much.

Ian.T

Loved is probably from texting in the old days the correct word is "beloved" then it became Lov-ed, also the accent holds a lot of the problems, where you went to school in the UK.
In Singapore they spoke a good English in their schools, and the schools use to be the best in that part of the world, its a pity you cannot get hold of the slang books I have they would be fun for you.
Take care yours Ian.T

R

You have pieced together a wonderful story in haiku & senryu. Awesome. This is testimony of your versatility.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Do you want to have your work in the renga poem? To be in tanka form you are some here can add the couplets to your haiku, then I'll post them in renga to the stream.

Rula

Rula

10 years 6 months ago

Here is my humble share,

The first drops of rain
The smell of dust comes to me
A fresh memory.

Barbara Writes

Wonderful wonderful. Wesley you may be out of your farking element, but you got this down just as I knew you would. Your haiku and Senyru are on point.
Gem you are a wealth of poetic talent. You've wonderfully written haiku and Senyru beautifully. Now can I see some tanka?
Those of you that wrote Tanka already, are you ready for them to be pasted to the Renga?
Those of who haven't written a any tanka, just add a couplet to your haiku and Senyru and there you have it.

Remember a renga poem is a collection of tanka poems from many poets collaborately written, which is what this ws is also about. In Japanese one poet write the haiku or Senyru and another write the couplet. I have modernized renga to simplify it for beginners advanced and expert poets. It's is still a work in process.

Finally we will place all the tanka together to write the renga poem for the main page. You can then read it in its entirety on the stream in the ws.
To show the difference there will be two renga poem one for haiku and one for senyru. We can also make it one poem with a mixture of all four Japanese forms in one poem. Haiku, senyru, tanka, and renga.

Barbara Writes

I'll take your hands if I look back and see you not keeping up. Lol
Now that you have those beautiful haiku and senyru, take them and add two lines of couplet to the bottom. Making the poem fives lines instead of three. 7 syllables per line that's it. There you have it a tanka.

Rula

Rula

10 years 6 months ago

Much fun goes here.
Thanks Barbara. You're really the one!!

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

You are my sunshine
brightening my life with love
when I need it most

like the north star you guide me
in darkest hours of life
*

Barbara Writes

Alid you get to start the Renga 11 with your Tanka then whoever drop in next. In tat order.

Barbara Writes

Interesting concept. Never though of an animal as having dedication to its young. In my mind everything animals do is instinctive toward its young. We have a purpose and choose what we do. As far as animal dedication id have to be an animal. lol that would have been perfect for birds of a feather ws.

Barbara Writes

Writing poems with friends
Bring joy to community
Of poets from around the world

Long time friends a precious rose
New ones are just as priceless

Barbara Writes

The WS theme Iis about Dedication of loved ones. A haiku is not related to people. Therefore, I only posted your senyru to the renga. Haiku are welcome here on the stream to show contrast between the two and give a lot of value to the ws.

Barbara Writes

Dedication can be mushy I supposed, but there must be somebody out there you would like to give tribute to. This is the place to write it in five lines of senyru

Barbara Writes

I like that looking forward to the turkey and stuffing

A turkey basting
Yummy stuffing cranberry
The family buzzing

Has been silence in her house
Her death from cancer

alidzain

err, is the word "family" in the 3rd line of the senryu 2 syllbles or 3 syllables? I checked in the internet dictionary and it gives me 2 answers for the syllables (fam-uh-lee, fam-lee) confusing. I didn't really get the connection between the senryu and the couplet...

Alid

Barbara Writes

I research and found two also. So I figure which ever you choose is fine with me. As for the couplet
It's a dedication to my mother in law. Everybody came for her thanksgiving dinners. Now she is dead and the house has been silence turkey basting andyummy stuffing. though my father tries to carry on as she would have it's not the same without you.

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

"Give more receive less
love unconditionally
till the course runs out"

no matter how tough the terrain
song of the river always rhymes

*

Barbara Writes

To be consistent I see you use "you've" as one syllable in the first line of the senyru and "you're as two syllable in the first line of the couplet. That would make your tanka slightly off So, "you are" work better for your couplet line. That would make it consistent

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

No tears shed my dear
Though I miss you more each day
We will meet again

There is a place I know of
We shall be there in true love

Just an addition to the renga, Yours Ian.T

R

raj

10 years 5 months ago

"Give more receive less
love unconditionally
till the course runs out"

however tough the terrain
the river song keeps rhyming

*

Barbara Writes

From Wesley. Our poem flawless, compared to othello, Macbeth, bill wow. I got to read some othello. Ideas the renga poem, if your tanka is not there let me know, repost it so I'll know you want it there.

Barbara Writes

I been away a bit to rest these shorty eyes. Are there any more dedications before I shut this down and start the next and final renga for a few weeks for some other ws waitng to jump on the scene. Ian great ws idea immediately after this one as it has already been waiting in the works since September. .

Thanks all you poets
sharing haiku and senyru
my renga workshop
there is no home like Neo
to learn and write Jap poetry.

R

raj

10 years 5 months ago

for conducting one more Renga work shop succesffully,

Regards,

Barbara Writes

I been under the weather for a while but I do my best to be on here. But must slip away from time to time. I'm still suffering from this mouth infection that's killing menand iits seems Antibotic is not working. Think of calling another dentist.
This is the shortest renga on here but Length is not important. So if everybody has shared their dedication, I will be closing this WS. And starting Ian WS. Thanks for participating this week.

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

Dear Barbara.
You've always been great.
I like your lighthearted workshops.
I'd appreciate it if you add my last share to the renga.

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 5 months ago

I have posted a Blog with a comprehensive list of winds, from the Wiki, there is a short description of what they do as a nudge to our poets.
There are quite a few winds and there is such a wide scope for writing, fun pieces and serious ones we will see what happens.
Thank you for your Renga here it was good and as you say short but it seems we have a lazy lot of poets sometimes,
Take care young Lady, Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

Great job. I'll post it where poets can glean it for ideas. A link to the blog would be good.

Workshop: Renga 11 “Dedications”

Description: This is a meeting place for all poets on Neopoet to collaboratively write and learn Japanese poetry writing. In this workshop you will learn to write (4) four different Japanese poetry form.

1. Haiku three lines of poetry written with 5/7/5 syllables
2. Senyru three lines of poetry written with 5/7/5 syllables
3. Tanka five lines of poetry written with 5/7/5/7/7 syllables
4. Renga a string of tanka poems from two or more poets.

Leader: Barbara Writes
Moderator(s) Alidzain

Objective: To better understand the difference between a Haiku, Senyru, Tanka and a Renga.

Level of expertise: Open to all.

Subject matter: Write a “Dedication” from the heart about someone you love.

Tanka

Let us write Haiku
A few Senyru for fun and
Couplet for Tanka

Come join me in this workshop
Collaborate a Renga