hippiemoon
May 28, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 05/26/24 to 06/01/24

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Your Eurydice

Darling, I would follow you anywhere.
Into the darkest parts of Hell, when my bones begin to ache and my spirit tries to leave my body.

I’ll trail around, solely a dog on a leash obeying its master.
I’ll cross oceans and deserts and climb to great heights and fall to the deepest depths with you as my guide.

I’ll be your most loyal companion and most ferocious protector.
When Hades knocks down your door, grim reaper with his scythe, I’ll bare my teeth and show my claws. He’ll take me with you or he won’t take you at all.

I’ll be okay with you in Hell, but inevitably you’ll try to escape.
And when I trail behind you,
You’ll look after me, as Orpheus looks after Eurydice.
And when I’m pulled back into the pits of Hell,
I’ll simply smile,
For I’ll know you loved me enough to look back.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Your Eurydice" effectively uses the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice as a metaphor for the speaker's devotion and loyalty. The imagery is vivid, particularly in the descriptions of following the beloved into harsh landscapes and confronting Hades.

However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the speaker's emotions and motivations. The speaker's willingness to follow the beloved anywhere, even into Hell, is clear, but why is this the case? What qualities does the beloved possess that inspire such loyalty? Delving into these questions could add depth to the poem.

The poem also leans heavily on the metaphor of the dog on a leash. While this effectively conveys the speaker's obedience, it might be worth considering other metaphors that could add complexity to the speaker's relationship with the beloved.

Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. The lines vary significantly in length, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with a more consistent structure could improve the poem's readability and impact.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses mythological references and vivid imagery, it could benefit from a deeper exploration of the speaker's emotions, a more varied use of metaphor, and a more consistent rhythm and meter.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

M

WOAH. i have no words. what a GLORIOUS poem. WELL DONE HM
best wishes,
MM