The valley grew silent; amid darkened soil
Just under the surface complete turmoil
pushing aside waste of times gone by
a blade shaped leaf for you and I
The green sword darkened, piercing the day
it feared not to spoil the coal dust decay
to show the world how wrong they had been
It sent a perfect stem through shards of green
A growth so strong with buds more than three
A reminder of you, and your white purity
For us to see, then for us to show
This flower so pure for us grow
The bells rang true, for us all to see
the flower the love of you and me
in beauty for all time; it would be
our own, Lily of the Valley
Comments
Thanks Eph
I have used a few of your edits, now can I talk about some others of mine about 2000 or more that need some attention lol.
I didn't use the Fleur at the end as the main point was that beautiful flower they call Lilly of the Valley as it is described in some of the lines against the starkness of the coal tips. Your Fleur is Three Feathers ??
Though this was written for an infatuation of ???
Thanks very much for your assist on this one, Yours Spuggy
Your writing is improving out of site!
you calim to be too old to learn, but you clearly do,
That said, I didn't like this poem much, it felt a bit sentimental.
Well, good writing, my own opinion on content, you win.
Thanks Jess
Yes this one is a bit soppy but an old guy like me must have some silly moments.
Of course I learn from you and all the ones that comment on all the poetry here, it is an ongoing thing, the main problem I have is as you know correct form.
I do try as best I can in my limited knowledge, but I have learnt so much from everyone, and that is one of the objectives of this great site.
You take care young Jess, and know we think of you, Yours Ian.T
love it
and don't want to crit anything for i am so proud of the work you have done with your meter
and sentimental or not, it is emotive and that's what counts in poetry
love judy
xxx