The earth hangs
like a wrecking ball
in space.
Every night
we humans
violently,
carelessly,
tear down
what is too old
for us,
what we deem
or make
obsolete.
And the sun
gives us light
in the morning.
Ruinous creatures
that we are,
we can't help
but rebuild.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
The narative,
The narrative that earth is a wrecking ball, and the fact that we are rebuilding what we tear down doesn't quite fit. A wrecking ball just wrecks then moves on too the next place to tear down, earth and the fact that it is round and in space. Is more like a giant Wasp's nest constantly being maintained. But unfortunately in most cases only rebuilding and maintaining if there's a profit. Maybe the fact that we humans are exploring space and leaving our wreckage out there is more true, we will wreck earth and maybe only maybe move on to the next stage. Sorry do you see what I've just written, your poem got me thinking anyway. Regards Roscoe..
I agree...
that you have made me think. I understand where you wanted to go with this, but unfortunately you didn't make the connection for me. Yes, we tear down what we have built and rebuild in the manner that we have for centuries, but I could only make the leap to the Earth being a wrecking ball, if we were on the way out of our solar system and wrecking/tearing down what we encounter along the way. A good theme to explore more fully. Maybe a little revision? ~ Geezer.
.
Me too
I would drop the first stanza, and it's for me a really good poem. Otherwise the earth being like a wrecking ball in space occupies the poem, detracts from the message which is about us humans.