The worst part
Is not lying awake at night
Too tired to cry
The worst part
Is not seeing other people
Do so much better than I
With just a stroke of luck
The worst part
Is not sacrificing
Things I love
To impress you
To no avail
The worst part
Is not
Wanting something I’ll never get
You see, I’m used to all this
The worst part
Is worrying about you
Last Few Words: This poem isn't actually how I feel. I was very sad and wrote a poem. It's true in some ways but not in others. But I just wrote it while very sad and exaggerated a lot. I am very sad and would like to not be this sad. I want to make friends so as to not be as lonely. That sounds a bit dumb, but if you knew just a bit more about me it would make sense. I am almost down. Anyway, I hope your day is going good! (haha)
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Sad
Hi Hannah,
Sorry you were feeling so sad when you wrote your poem, this is a poem for catharsis not critique because it was written out of personal need ,so as such it was what you needed to do at the time.
I will only make a few comments because of this.
Title dont waste a title using words you are using in a poem as repetition make a statement that is not in the poem use it as an added metaphor tempt the reader.. make your title work.
If you wanted to really build this piece into a great poem you would need to consider what you have written as the bones of this poem and add a little more story as a reader I get that you are sad but I dont feel that sadness as much as I could.
However you wrote this at a time you needed to write it so it might be better to tackle a new sadness poem and leave this as a record of your feelings at that moment. I think that is very much a decision you have to make. If you would like to develop this more then I would happily give you some suggextions.
Sam
Thanks
Thanks for the advice!
Sad...
...so my comments are limited.
1. In Line 6, you should say "better than I", not "better than me";
2. I feel the final line is superfluous and also open to total misinterpretation by anyone outside North America. In non-American English, it means "I'm mentally ill" and I am sure that's NOT what you meant.
.
Best Wishes