the world took a lot
the stars
heaven
earth
the sun
the moon
it was close
the atmosphere
the words
lies
love
trust
reality
it came to be the best
humans made it
call it man made
the satellite
the food
the cars
mostly by men
the world came in with it
all the glory
at a certain time
love was lust
feelings
hate
fate
anger
stranger
afraid to be us
take the world down
to a better place
Comments
hello Amogelang
I would drop all the 'the's in the first and third stanzas
I would also make satellite pleural,
and I would drop the lines
'Call it man made'
'mostly by men'
as well as 'the world came in with it' (it doesn't make sense to me )
I would also drop your first line, and use the one further down - 'all the glory' to begin the write
I stress that this is my opinion only, and may have missed something in there that you may be saying
an interesting write
Love judy
xxx
thanks for your input I will
thanks for your input I will work on it surely
I appreciate your comment and time