I try so hard to speak of peace
on any given day.
The clouds roll in, the rain it falls.
To catch me in their sway
my mind is an unsettled thing,
without the means to play.
And though I fall one thousand times
it never will give way.
It grinds my soul to powder,
and never goes away.
But if I wish upon a star
I just might find a way
to grasp the hope I really need.
To make a peaceful day
Dec 28, 2023
To Wish upon a Star
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "To Wish upon a Star" demonstrates a clear understanding of rhythm and rhyme, which helps to create a consistent flow throughout the piece. The exploration of internal struggle and the pursuit of peace is a universal theme that many readers can relate to.
However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. For example, instead of "the rain it falls," consider describing the rain in a way that contributes to the overall mood or theme of the poem.
The phrase "it grinds my soul to powder" is a strong metaphor, but it could be developed further. What does this process feel like? How does it affect the speaker's daily life or their perception of the world?
The poem also seems to rely heavily on abstract concepts like "peace," "hope," and "way." While these are important elements of the poem's theme, they could be grounded in more concrete images or experiences to make them feel more tangible to the reader.
Lastly, the transition from despair to hope in the final lines feels a bit abrupt. Consider building up to this shift more gradually to make it feel more earned and impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact