so really nice
like swinging on a swing
a gal in mind
another like a ring
around the girdle of mine ….
singing like sing-a ,sing-a roses
all poetry disposes
what love of the breeze
will make you and her freeze
as the two of you entwine
to make sounds
like the hail’s falling on a tapered roof
then falling on your heads
making both feel nude
that’s the fun in singing
happy songs like the two do
winter flower inside the room
and the breeze outside
none can touch the other
but what a surprise ...
a simple barrier
the sheet thin glass
not even a kiss
but still feelings exist
Nov 10, 2012
wintry kiss bliss
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Apart from the first line...
Apart from the horrible first line, which doesn't add anything to this piece...I liked the flow. The assonance kept it moving along.
Did you mean "Ring-a Ring-a roses"? Or are you using "sing-a, sing-a"...poetic license?
'Betty'
for some poison is sweet
I can't cater for all tastes
especially yours
but I do love your bite...
do see my remarks
on your other poem
like me,,,,,
you shall not go far in life ,
mine is nearly over
you are just married ...
happy be your hubby
I pray for him...