c lynn brooks
Dec 05, 2019

Winter's Cold Hand

The Cold icicles hung as decorations
reflecting all as in a mirror bright

Moon shines down upon new fallen snow
it glistens with a million fallen stars

Deer feed under the canopy of trees
unaware of my never ending gaze

Picture postcard pefect
but winter rests her cold hand
upon my shoulder
reminding me
warmth will be had
nevermore

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen

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Comments

S

Warmth will be had nevermore. Now That would be a bad thing to not be able to look forward to an end to winter

Roscoe Lane

Cleverly done this poem painting a picture perfect moment, then the ending so stark. Typo- icicle. Love Roscoe....

C

thank you I hate winter for many reasons and wanted to reflect that repaired typo

Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 4 months ago

The Cold icicles hung as decorations - WHY A CAPITAL C? ALSO, "HUNG" SUGGESTS SOMEONE HUNG THEM - "HANG" WOULD BE BETTER. ALSO: COMMA
reflecting all as in a mirror bright FULL STOP

Moon shines down upon new fallen snow SEMI-COLON
it glistens with a million fallen stars FULL STOP

Deer feed under the canopy of trees COMMA
unaware of my never ending gaze FULL STOP

Picture postcard pefect PERFECT NOT PEFECT
but winter rests her cold hand
upon my shoulder COMMA
reminding me
warmth will be had
nevermore INCORRECT. SUMMER WILL COME

A bit of punctuation wouldn't come amiss.
Also, why not have an apostrophe in the title? Every little helps.

I do hope this helps

xxx

.

Geezer

the icicles [hung] by cold winter's hand. ~ Geezer.
.

C

I have made corrections it is a never ending battle but if you research freeverse you will see it does not require punctuation however there are some folks that disagree with this theory but that's ok

S

Well here I go again on the subject of punctuation. When I first started writing I never used punctuation in poetry. It was my opinion that pauses and stops would be supplied by the correct use of wording. I still think that a "perfectly" written poem can be left without punctuation. so now, everybody who writes such perfect poems please raise your hands.............yeah, nobody does this consistently. So for we poor mortals why not use punctuation in order to put in the pauses and such exactly where we want it?

C

will try to remember to do that although not needed I do so reluctantly lol

weirdelf

Your use of language is highly evocative and layered in meaning and symbolism and I know you don't like to spoon feed your reader. I love your style.

You are no where near as extreme as ee cummings though you do tread a fine line. As several remarked on "From Afar" they felt unsatisfied (I didn't). I could not fully explain the meaning and symbolism in all your works that I've read but I can feel it. Even if slightly out of reach I know it's there and that is sufficient for me.

It is not possible for me to read all the new posts but I'm going to keep an eye out for yours.

C

omg what an undeserving critique you gave I cannot tell you how much your opinion means to me thnj you so much I have developed a nw style since the loss of my husband he gave me a whole new outlook