The golden summer
came and went,
the autumn leaves
now mostly spent,
Gather deep before the cold,
while Jack-frost waits
till autumns sold,
The naked trees
point to the sun,
clothes scattered
on their beds for fun
they stand embarrassed
in light of day,
reaching for the sky
as if to pray
All living creatures
that would abound,
now rarely seen
on this frozen ground,
and the glorious flora
that lined the lanes,
lie’s stripped
and frozen
their cries invain ,
the wind howls out
from the northern sky
“This is my reign now”
To the south ‘ he cries,
And a glowing fire
When we get home,
To dream of summers
Warming glow,
How nice to see those sunny days
flowers grass and summer haze,
extended nights before its dark ,
But still,
I love them both with all my heart.
Comments
hi believe
an enjoyable and descriptive write
I have a few suggestions
‘It came and went’ (I’d drop the ‘it’)
‘the autumn leaves’ (I’d drop the ‘the’)
‘Gather deep before the cold’ (for aesthetics I would make this two lines to follow the other 4 line stanzas)
‘ While Jack-frost wait’s’ (‘while Jack Frost waits’ – capitalise his whole name – no apostrophe in waits)
‘ till autumns sold’ (autumn’s = with apostrophe - autumn is)
‘The naked trees‘ (I’d lose ‘the’)
‘cloths scattered’ (do you mean ‘clothes’?)
‘Reaching for the sky’ (I’d change ‘reach’ for ‘reaching’ – for the rhythm)
‘lie’s stripped’ (just ‘lie stripped – no ‘s’ needed)
‘their cries invain‘ (typo – ‘in vain’)
‘When we get home’ (not really poetic maybe ‘on arriving home’ or something?)
‘ To dream of summers’ (summer’s – ownership apostrophe)
and the last –
‘How nice to see those sunny days
flowers grass and summer haze, (comma needed after ‘flowers’)
extended nights before its dark ,
But still,
I love them both with all my heart.’
just a suggestion to help tie the two seasons in the readers thought
‘How nice to see those sunny days
flowers grass and summer haze,
extended nights before its dark ,
But still, when as I now appraise,
I love them both with all my heart.’
too, I personally would lose all punctuation, including capitals, except for the name
for aesthetics
I love the descriptive you use – especially with personification in
‘The naked trees
point to the sun,
cloths scattered
on their beds for fun
… they stand embarrassed
in light of day,’
thanks for the journey
a gentle and pleasant read
love judy
xxx
Hi there
A well needed relief on a day of heat here. I see Judy beat me her lol. Now of all her suggestions, the one I'd ignore is the "when we get home" one. Not every line in a poem need read poetic to be effective in my opinion and the simplicity of the comfort gained upon a return to home speaks for itself. Now judy and I will take a few moments to stare daggers at one another lol. Now the line "reaching for the sky" You might try "branches reaching" it would be just as descriptive yet still in keeping with the brief lines. All aside I really like this poem with all the imagery and subtle rhyming.........stan
Pretty, and nicely written,
especially with Judy's suggestions.
But hardly startling, deep of contributive allegorical meanings of the seasons, humanity or poetry.
To me it lacks depth.