Neopoet weekly 01/07/24 to 01/13/24

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WILL I (first poem of the year)

Will i become what i never knew,
When I know what I need to become?

Will i see what i never saw,
When my eyes begin to see my stars?

Will I grow to be what my being entails,
When my vehicles begins to breathe?

Will I be the freedom that no one fears,
Will my struggle for success be wished for?

When I walk through the gates that gave me in?
Will i be known, will i be kept whole in memory,
After doing all things said and done?

Will i be a song unsung,
Or a song sang to trigger the fire scared to burn?

Will I know what you think of me,
Before my time shoot its last bullet?

Will I be my pride, my own hero,
Or a villain who enjoys victories that hurts?

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , NGA

Favorite Poets: Niyi osunadare

Comments

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I'm thinking..,

1] You only need one [ess] in the line: "When my vehicles begins to breathe"
[either the one at vehicle or the one at breathes.
Personally, I would opt for keeping the one on vehicles,
Making the line: "When my vehicles begin to breathe".

Then, I would make the word [sang] sung, in the line: "Or a song [sung] to trigger, the fire scared to burn?
It should be [shoot[s].
hurt, rather than hurt[s].

Always glad to help. Use my advice as is, twist it to use as you would your own, or let it be. ~ Geez.
.