kowque
kowque
Dec 15, 2023

Why can't I have it all

Erase you,
But still
Keep
Our
Daughter.
She has your eyes.
These,whiskey brown,
bowls of promise.

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Why can't I can't have it all" explores the theme of separation and the desire to retain a connection through a shared child. The use of short, fragmented lines creates a sense of urgency and emotional intensity. The repetition of the word "can't" emphasizes the speaker's frustration and longing.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider the use of punctuation. The absence of punctuation can create ambiguity and make it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of the poem. Consider using punctuation marks strategically to guide the reader's understanding and to create pauses or emphasis where needed.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of imagery and sensory details. For example, instead of simply stating that the daughter has "whiskey brown" eyes, you could expand on this description to evoke a more vivid image in the reader's mind. This would help to enhance the emotional impact of the poem and create a stronger connection between the reader and the speaker's experience.

Overall, the poem captures a poignant

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Hello, kowque,
Beginning with the compelling title, a brief but very sensitive poem. I like the form very much, and think I'd drop all the punctuation entirely - let the ongoing thought carry through. Beautiful description of her eyes! Wonderful poetry.
Thank you,
L

Candlewitch

Oh my goodness! I LOVE the last two lines! keep up the good work!

*hugs, Cat