I'm the queen and you're the king.
If I can't be treated as such,
I'd rather not participate
in her shenanigans.
why should I be dethrone
and take the humble status
of being last all the time?
it's not so much being last that bugs me,
but the way you treat me when I take liberties.
I know I'm seen as pushy, bossy, a know it all-ler,
my way or no way.
in my mind I just don't or can't think second class
putting me last while another puts them self first
all the while choosing who gets to be ahead of me
regardless of my efforts.
I'm not selfish or self centered
nor am I a non-sacrificial person
I will give of myself when nothing is in it for me,
but it is hard when you keep giving
and is expected to sacrifice with nothing in return.
who can survive kings like that.
Comments
I hear your voice, your strength and your pain
but this is not good poetry, Barbara, it is prose, a bit of a rant.
Sorry, I know you can hear the care in my crit.
Yea I hear it
Is prose bad, unwelcome here? Is it a form of poetry that's acceptable? I could make it more poetic with a revision.
I agree
It is a rant. I was just throwing out stuff for the heck of it to see how it stick. Any suggestions to make it an eloquent poem. I know gem is great about that.
you know the drill
you have all the tools of poetry at your disposal, rhyme, meter, imagery, alliteration etc.
There is nothing wrong with prose, it's just not poetry
I will agree with the Elf.
Prose is not bad. We're doing some prose exercises in Storytelling, but prose is prose. It is not poetry. There is no elegance in the poem. It is however, emotional which is why I would not abandon it. It is raw and special enough to deserve revision. The first thing I would do is even out the line length while searching for a meter. Let the poem decide what meter it wants to be. Personally I would think dactyl, but you may want iamb.
If you have questions let me know.
Wesley
Good suggestion. I'll try it