Whispered endearments
tickling my ears
every breath
drawing me near
Featherlike fingers
up and down my arms
each movement charms
Kisses so soft
sailing aloft
on clouds of reverie
Lustfilled eyes
hypnotise
Stop being a tease
take me now, please
Comments
nice sentiment, but a rather
nice sentiment, but a rather simplistic
write on a theme done to death
perhaps some fleshing out would give it
more substance?
i found some lines sounded wrtten simply
to "fit", and sounded abrupt a couple of times
just because a subject has been written about
ad nauseum, doesn't mean it can't continue to be
written about
i just think that such subjects need a hearty dose
inventiveness in order to stand above the mire
of mediocrity
this is a nice poem, but i think with work, it
could be a lot better.
just my thoughts...use or lose.
cheers
p
thanks so much for reading
thanks so much for reading and commenting gr8 advice x