Where Sadness Lies

I once saw a litle girl crying
her kitten had outgrown her
and no longer wished to play

it was not a mopey cry
but a cry of startling discovery

loss had given its first indelible lesson;
she had glimpsed a void,
and the possibility that all could be lost

this particular event
would only be the first
of a kind

..........

twice upon a time
a boy kissed a girl

they were lying in a meadow
side by side
on a hill so high
it nearly touched the sky

he gave her a rose for beauty
a drop of dew for health
an acorn for the future
and a shiney stone for wealth

although her smile seemed to linger
she had started to cry
then he kissed her once for love
and once to say good-by

twice upon a time
a boy kissed a girl
once upon a hill so high
and once to say good-by

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

'Tis sad! During the journey

'Tis sad! During the journey of our lives we learn lesson of love and loss!
( and it doesn't seem to get any easier ). :)

I liked the contrast of the two styles. The second part flowed really well - it's like a jaunty little lilt.

I liked it alot

Well done.

Love Mand xxxx

I like the contrast between the first and the second parts, one of the hardest lessons in life is loss, we go through loss and change everyday, some changes so minute that they mostly go unnoticed but for those watchers. I was really taken with this piece I will be back to read more :)

love JC xxx

thank you JC

Hello Al

I especially like
"twice upon a time"
and the second version is really great.

version I ....Kitten?

hi Rula

thank you for your time and thoughts

sorry about the lateness of my responce

also appreciate the spelling correction

This really nails the learning of loss

I'm not sold on the change of styles. To me it detracts rather than adds. If the first part rhymed and the second part was freeform the structure would contribute to the meaning in the sense of moving from homespun, nursery rhyme wisdom (that's not a criticism although I admit it sounds like one) to a personal contemporary instance. You get my drift?