lovedly
lovedly
Feb 23, 2018
This poem is part of the contest:

OUT OF THIS WORLD

(Read More...)

When I was Born (FEB CONTEST)

When I was Born
it was a night so warm
the sun was below
in the Southern hemisphere

All friends and relatives did gather
I cried
they all laughed
and smiled

Then came along
Moon, Venus and Jupiter
so many others
Mercury and Mars
Most of my life
Saturn has hung along
all its slowly while
It clung on in its inimitable style

Now comes the evening of my life
besides happiness
joy in all hearts does abide
all know
it's time for me to go
LOL!!!

Hope,
I will leave a bag full of stars
what hopes!!!
'tis our life
let them see
wait a while
February
is a Valentine selection
my love I cannot
thus abandon

Let the birds come along
sing a song
before I have finally
to the wilderness
gone

Not tomorrow
Happiness be their share
let me some more time
of theirs borrow
February is not a month
of sorrow

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

7 years 2 months ago

Hi Lovedly...good poem but has room for tightening up after first two stanzas i feel you have lost some ground...just my opinion...you have couple of more days to tighten this up before 25th Feb which is the last date for submissions to the Feb Contest..

best of luck...

lovedly

I just compose off my cuff
can't edit myself
others may help
But I let go

The sun is about to set
I need only the sun rays to warm me
which you have commenced already
after a long while
some one has come to say hello
I hear it as mellow.
thanks poet fellow
RISE
you have a long surprise
the FIRST PRIZE

lovedly

So I took your advice
polished it up a bit
as the poem in my mind was as fresh
composed it just an hour ago
and I hope
it will now merit the reflection and glow
that upon my work you so sincerely show

I want to thank you
let all know
we all are learners
poets -ala -neo
from here
where else can one go