When I killed you,

The content of ths poem is disturbing and shocking. Tha works for me. wish I could bash you on for, but I can;t.
Excllent!!! Not like the pseudo-avant--garde shit you used to write. You are almost as good as I am.

From the cry-baby, wimp

A quandary here, the words selected and scribed.
Do tell if the change in the last few lines was that she/he was in love with someone else and was killed, because he/she couldn't let go, if so I think that the flow and first/second person is correct and a thing that would be written from death row..
Yours Ian.T

This jealousy is it?

How succinctly described,
like the stab of the knife
uttering the cry of death.
A neat theatre piece,
the shortest ever.

Ann.

I find the atmosphere of this piece most unsettling! I really LOVE that! Good imagery.

always, eddy (& cat)

feelings and more feelings
writing true esperiences with a litlle fiction is what i do most often
especially when im upset and need to vent.
i cant act on my feelings but i can write about them without hurting anyone
you did a good job here doing that.
i wont critique it as the others have said it all

If I hadn't read the previous piece (knife), I wouldn't have
known what was going on here in this one ... internal logic
needs addressing to overcome that (in my opinion)

also one suggestion;
it was just cause
would that sound and roll smoother if you changed
"it" to "there" ... there was just cause, it would also
eliminate the "it" being repeated.

If I understand correctly, perhaps a space between
"to stop" and "a simple clause" would help the reader
(even losing it old me) reach the logic, along with a
few choice words ...

a simple clause
was all it took
it was what you said when you said
I love her

just suggestions

Richard

Much better, but you have not yet *loosened up*, so to speak. You're a shaman for God's sake! You are more than your body, more than your mind, and more than your chemistry, but then what the fuck do I know for sure?

As far as your other stuff, (pre-drugs-to-mollify-you-into-acceptible-society) some of the best stuff I've read was yours and Richard's (from the early days of Neopoet). Honest, well thought out, and *real poetry*, in my own calculating opinion, naturally. Of course, anything can be *tweaked.

The devil incarnate, aka Anna.

~A

So subtle, yet strong. But it left me confused a bit. I thought it was quite vague. I wouldn't have known who got killed till I read through the comments first. Didn't want to be redundant.

How you create such an atmosphere with words and lines is quite amazing. Must learn.

But passionately written. Jealously has caused much killing over centuries whether for love or possessions. Nicely done

i like the way you have set this out jess - but then again, you are the master of free form

i especially like the way you have kept this all on the same line
'was what you said you said'
and i wonder, though it is by no means needed, if a comma is in order after the first 'you said'

regardless of that, i hope you don't go around killing everybody who loves the one you do lol

love judy