We Can't All Read Body Language (Through The Phone)

the worst feeling is knowing what the poem is about.
when you are watching it unravel, just to be relayed in a swirl of pixels
the room seems a little darker
a good, long sleep sounds a little nicer
wait for it all to pass and then wake up years later,
just to see that nothing has changed.
see the hope is,
when you sleep -
or rather just close your eyes for a second -
it's not really happening.
it is not as bad as it seems.

maybe it's not as bad as it seems.
perhaps i'm just being paranoid.
what if this is just fearing the past and its repetitive tendency -
?
I have no idea but,
Christmas morning I unwrapped your guilt along with my new leather jacket
as you saw six missed calls and about ten text messages
and really all you did was fall asleep.
instead of smelling new leather it left the taste of tears in my mouth.

it couldn't be helped.

but veronica called your mother anyway
and with that information called your father
(all because I was in no state to talk to anyone)
and then I called him, too, when she said he didn't even check on you.
your brother said you were sleeping.
I asked him to go make sure.
I don't think I hung up the way I should have
but I was just so tired
and I couldn't stop shaking
and ava was practically smacking some sense into me through her cell phone
I was just so scared. i'm still pretty scared.
it's still pretty scary.
i'm sorry I can't understand you the way you need and
i'm sorry you can't understand me.

or maybe you can, and it just doesn't make a difference.

but right now I don't have time to ponder that.
right now I have to focus on you and not this or me
right now my brother is begging to play Lincoln logs and regrettably I will comply
because anything is better than dwelling on how make sure she is asleep

should not mean check her pulse, please.