like waves
of loneliness
and then love
loneliness and love
sometimes the movement
seems like the perfect design
sometimes only
a recipe for sickness --
the ocean can
lull you to sleep
or rock your world
violently awake.
it contains
the strangest creatures,
like the thoughts
in my head,
from cute
to Kraken-like,
shallow and speckled
to deep and dark.
do we crawl
out of this, someday,
into a world of steadier legs
and sturdier brains?
or is this
forever
the rhythm of life?
this sea cycle?
the bigger fish
ever eating the smaller?
is mine
only a water planet?
May 15, 2018
Water Planet
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
this is a poem of opposites
this is a poem of opposites and it forced me to ask is loneliness the opposite of love. I came to no definite conclusion; but it did put a germ in my head for some future poem.
thanks
Hi Greg
I would say in you have created an ocean of thoughts in these verses. No wonder tyro has found a germ in those to create more ...great comparison and truly thought provoking...
good creative thinking
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tyro, glad to get you
tyro, glad to get you thinking and hopefully creating! thanks for your comments.
thanks raj!
thanks raj!
This is
an awesome free verse piece, very heartfelt and sincere.
thank you, fink555!
thank you, fink555!
I like your questions the
I like your questions the most.
The opening line is engaging as well.
Waves of loneliness, yes it feels like shoreless and bottomless sea sometimes.
Write on, my friend! Your poems are getting better with every line.