I cried last night,
I’m not a crier.
Sitting in the dark,
Streams of heartbreak,
Anger,
Hurt,
And confusion trickled down my rose tinted cheeks.
I cried last night,
And it didn’t make me feel better.
I cried last night,
And nothing changed.
I was reminded why I don’t cry last night,
It only makes it hurt worse.
Last Few Words: something I quickly wrote down
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I think your title is good,
I think your title is good, your language use is equally so
and the way you formatted it is great.
The theme is something that many people don't talk about.
The flow from beginning to end is good and I understood
the way you ended it. Only thing I see that I would change is:
"and confusion [trickled] down my rose-colored cheeks."
Makes it seem more like a sad, and lonely thing, which I think
you are going for. ~ Geezer.
.
I really like the word
I really like the word trickled thank you for the suggestion!
I’m a crier
So…I just walk around crying all the time. I cry when I’m sad I cry when I experience joy. The fact of the matter with me is: I feel so intensely that which others miss or brush off that it’s just overwhelming. I’m a pressure cooker and the other means of blowing of steam I engaged in for decades were about as unhealthy as it gets.
Everything about this work is fine. And though you reserve the right to disagree, I think in many cases crying isn’t only helpful, it is downright necessary. No clouds, no rainbow.
Tim
Hi Tim!
Hi Tim!
I totally see where you're coming from. I have nothing against crying this is just how I felt in the moment. I think crying means something different to everyone. I don't cry often out of sadness or despair, but when I feel overwhelming joy I do tend to get teary eyed. Thank you for your comment, this poem isn't meant to be hurtful, just simply how I felt.
Nice title !
It is very necessary we encourage ourself in time like this.
Crying never rehabilitate a bad moment of our life. No matter how far you have cried your eyes out, it cannot bring the situation to stand still.
Nice work!
Hello
I hope you don't mind me posting your poem with a few changes you can consider :
I cried last night,
and I seldom cry
Sitting alone in the dark,
Streams of heartbreak,
Anger,
Hurt,
And confusion
trickled down my rose tinted cheeks.
I cried last night,
And it didn’t make me feel better.
all those tears
And nothing changed.
I was reminded why I don’t cry last night,
It only makes the hurt worse.
these are just some ideas which might lead you to thinking about the possibilities
hello,
my favorite lines are:
I cried last night,
And nothing changed.
I was reminded why I don’t cry last night,
It only makes it hurt worse.
I'm not a crier either...for all the same reasons... my favorite lines are:
I cried last night,
And nothing changed.
I was reminded why I don’t cry last night,
It only makes it hurt worse.
*always, Cat
ever, eddy styx