Sharp like a knife
The edge of her tongue
Slices of hate fall from her lips
Butter won’t melt in her mouth
The ice of her heart refusing to thaw
In the heat of his passion
Sucking the breath from his life
Draining the strength of his soul
His heart sinks like a rock
There is no way out
Do or die
She wins...
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
an interesting look at how
an interesting look at how war is really a friend to no one. you've inspired me to enter the contest. btw how do i enter my own poem in the contest?
Hi Greg
It is pretty simple. In the boxes below your poem you will find a box for Contests. From its drop down menu select the contest. That's all.
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So glad...
that I inspired you to enter the contest! As raj says; go to the drop down and select contest and the name of the contest. Look at the contest guidelines and let it fly! Good luck to you sir! ~ Geezer.
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Ello Bro
I adore this. I have no suggestion but that you should write more in this style. Good luck in the contest.
Love and higgliest bugs J x
Hey Jayne
So good to see you back after disappearing for a pretty long time...stick on now...your presence means a lot for many like me..
may all be well...take best care...
much love and hugs..
Hello old friend
Sooo good to read you again.
Thank you for the welcome back
I've been very ill for sometime and it
meant I wasn't up to writing much
But tonight i felt the muse poking at me lol
So here I am I'll try to come round on a
more regular basis.
Love and big hugs J x
P.s.bear wifh me I'm very rusty lol
Thank you...
My Aussie sis! I do have a need for free-form now and then. There are those thoughts that I just cannot formulate into rhyme. A different kind of simple brutality that even Killer fails to deliver. ~Gee.
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Great use of metaphor
through out. Only the word melt being repeated too closely.
Just thought you might want to replace it for a smoother read.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you...
I missed that! As a matter of fact, I think that the use of thaw instead of melt gives it a bit more flavor.
Geezer.
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As a matter of fact...
as I read the line again and the change of [melt] to thaw, I also decided to change the word of [cold] to ice! Thanks again! ~ Geezer.
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