It stood
right across my path
side stepping, I moved on
muttering
who said walls have ears?
seasons on I returned,
to see
writing on the wall
was in moss
side stepping
around some forlorn bricks
of fallen hopes
I moved on
startled by a deafening noise
I looked back,
a witness to its collapse
my mind was in chaos
when the moss returned to dust
I felt like a culprit
for being blind to
writing on the wall
it was too late
to bring it to life
with murals
the bricks helped
only in building a bridge
between
past and the present
over which
I walked benumbed
wishing
I had heard
the silent calls
Comments
this is really cool. the play
this is really cool. the play on "writing on the wall", the old saying "if these walls could speak" or "if these walls had ears." the idea that walls stand in our way. a lot of cool conceptual playfulness and seriousness here.
Hi Greg
thanks for for the read and connecting with the substance so well as mentioned in your comment...
this was also about not being able to connect with what could be happening behind the blank facade and not recognizing that there could be suicidal tendencies which could have been prevented and the guilt of not having helped in time.....
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Hi raj
In my opinion this is among the best you ever wrote. kudos........stan
Hi Stan
thank you for stepping in and leaving with a comment which is like tonic. Thanks for your good words of encouragement..Hope you are recovering well.
Regards...
a good poem
Walls- the Berlin Wall, the great wall of China, Trump and his fucking moronic wall with Mexico, are strong images with much symbolism. I very much like the feel of the poem, and the narrative of events.
I would consider- the flow goes from questioning the walls hearing, to having writing in moss (most unique image!) to decay and collapse of the wall, regret in not having seen, or understood, the graffiti, and ending with the wall being reconstructed into a bridge that carries the "soul" of the wall, and finally your sadness in not having "heard the silent calls". I think it might be more coherent in you can connect the senses to the main idea of the poem, what the wall represents to you.
There is a lot of very good leads in the poem such as
side stepping
around some forlorn bricks
of fallen hopes
I moved on
But in the end for me the poem is a bit too abstract in presenting it's core idea to the reader. I think it needs to me more concrete (a pun!) Certainly "hearing the silent calls" presents some vagueness.
..
Thanks Eumolpus
for taking the time to read...analyze...comment and suggest...i sincerely appreciate that
to answer your question about what the wall represents to the protagonist? a couple of things mentioned below not necessarily in their chronologicl order
1. a person with a blank face not getting out of the way...finding it at first hindrance but later on realizing that he is lost of purpose in life...needs help ...later on realizing he committed suicide and I didn't realize it in nick of time to help
2. crumbling walls of a relic which has been ignored over time and not considered worthy of restoration for it's heritage value
3. simply an abstract / imaginary wall which separates past from the present...
there could be others which I have left for perception of the reader/s
thanks for raising questions allowing me to give my take on the write..
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regards...
Much wallish cliches
but 4 ur walls of fame
'tis bestest
me njois it
thanks for pointing out in a
thanks for pointing out in a friendly manner that ideally a poem should not use cliches..however I am not a polished writer...and write like a nomad
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u r the unassumingly d best raj
once i used a cliche in my poem
a guy called me
a Big Bxxxx
guess what!
as u wish
i come to read ye
u often 4 get me