Leslie
Leslie
May 31, 2023

The wall

Grinding it out
in your hole in the wall
feeling low down, abandoned and small
nothing to do
but write on that wall
and when days turn to minutes
and minutes to years
your life becomes less
than the heartache and fear
espressed in your writing
that no one will hear!

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: The Wall

Analysis:

The poem appears to explore themes of isolation, despair, and the passage of time. The imagery of "your hole in the wall" effectively conveys a sense of entrapment and confinement. The repetition of "wall" in the first and third lines emphasizes the importance of this image in the poem.

Suggestions:

1. Consider revising the line "and when days turn to minutes / and minutes to years" to create a more logical progression of time. For example, it might be more effective to reverse the order, such as "and when minutes turn to hours / and hours to years," to emphasize the slow passage of time and the feeling of being trapped.

2. The poem's rhythm could be improved by revising some lines to maintain a more consistent syllable count. For example, the line "espressed in your writing" could be revised to "expressed through your words" to maintain a similar syllable count to the surrounding lines.

3. The poem's message might be strengthened by providing more specific examples of the emotions and experiences the speaker is trying to convey. For instance, instead of the general statement "your life becomes less / than the heartache and fear," consider incorporating specific images or moments that illustrate the speaker's feelings of despair and isolation.

4. The poem's ending could be made more impactful by revisiting the central image of the wall. For example, the final line "that no one will hear!" could be revised to something like "that the wall will not share!" to tie the poem's conclusion back to its central theme and imagery.

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