IRiz

Dec 18, 2017

Walk on sand

On turquoise background
shadows of clouds,
dark blue ink.

Colonies of algae,
pictographic tangle
words of absent minded
lines and rings.

Oceanic liner
lost in the horizon.
Moon semitransparent
melting gold.

Gliding in and out
of uplifting current
birds and children's voices
cut through wind.

Firm and grainy surface.
Sand and salty flotsam.
It is simply awesome
to splay my toes on sand.

Gladness in the air.
Heart and soul are bare.
Mind unclad.

Life is light as feather
left by gulls.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō

Comments

lovely image poem

captures the joy of a simple act of walking on the beach. (typo on cut THROUGH wind)
The last line reminiscent of the great title, if not great book , The Incredible Lightness of Being.

Nice use of sounds, such as

pictographic tangle
words of absent minded
lines and rings.

I wasn't sure about the word dwindle- "to become smaller and smaller; shrink; waste away" I think we might consider a different adjective to better close the poem with the lovely image of life as light as a feather.
..

Hello Eumolpus,

Hello Eumolpus,
Dwindling is also decrease in number.
Imagine the flock moving away from you.
That is where I am going with it.

your imagery is so very lovely

it makes my mind dwindle
as I wonder
how far we seem
to be
awesome poetry
lady Irene

What does dwindling mean to

What does dwindling mean to you?
I am concerned that the word use is not ideal

Dwindling is also decrease in number.

Dwindling is also
decrease in
my understanding
of poetry

Hello my dear,

Hello my dear,
Your presense here is important to many
As a poet and a reader,
don't make diminishing remarks about yourself ever,
the way you say it hurts my heart and ears.
Don't worry about what people might think
or where you stand on infinite ladder
passing people by or being passed by
shouldn't matter.
The only thing counts is the joy of reading
and the writing effort.

if this address is for me

Irene I endear
coz I ain't much of a poet
but on many sites so many many many read me daily
one can't believe it

this site makes one feel lonely
How happy I am to see one like ye
I compose poetry freely
free verse only
as you can see
having read me
thanye
IRiz

Mind Unclad...

as light as the feather
in a gull's eye.

it always amazes
the effect line shifting
can have on reading.

nice write iz