louiemary
Apr 09, 2012

Waiting for my love

Waiting for my love
To come back from the sea
Then I saw the flight of the dove
I wish that my love was with me
But on that fateful night
I knew he isn't here
I have seen the bright light
The night is clear
Crying all night long
I knew he was gone

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

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L

Waiting for my love

To come back from the sea

Then I saw the flight of the dove

I wish that my love was with me

But on that fateful night

I knew he wasn't here

I have seen the bright light

The night was clear

Crying all night long

I knew he was gone

Candlewitch

It is incredible... I was thinking of the Titanic as I read this! Although many women have awaited in vain for the return of fishing boats to return from expiditions. Waiting, holding a lonely vigil for their brave men.

suggestions:

If it were my poem, I would change the title to something like: "Lost At Sea" or "Lonely Vigil" or something like that. May I suggest that you read and comment on others poems for appreciation and to let poets know that you are here. In that way, it is likely you will find more readers and recieve more comments :)

I really liked:

But on that fateful night
I knew he isn't here
I have seen the bright light
The night is clear

good language usage and imagery.

always, Cat

Nordic cloud

Are the tenses mixed on purpose or is it me?
Because of that my reading of the poem is stilted,
but that may again, be just me.

I permit myself and just throw this out next time I come back..

Waiting for my love
to come back from the sea
the flight of a dove
made me wish my dear with me
but on that fateful night
I sensed he wasn't there.

I have seen a bright light
as the heavens were clear
it made me cry till dawn
knowing that he'd gone

the ship that carried him
took him down below
where dove and love will lie
till I join him in the sky

I don't know what others think of my queries.
Good luck to more poems as this one has its charm.
Nordic cloud.

Ian.T

To learn of these thing as they happen and to know is a present, to let you build a barrier for the things that come.
Better to embrace that lovely light sent with the wings of a dove to start with then that feeling of light, then knowing.
Lovely write there young one take care of the things you see and welcome back to our pathway, it is lite with many lights and strewn with love,
Yours Ian