Preparation, anticipation, awaiting the baton
other team already handed off
my leg of the race will soon be on
I clear my throat with nervous cough
Now my team mate's drawing near
exhaustion in his weary eyes
I begin running ere he gets here
exchange made, I tote the prize
Feet flying, eyes in front of me
slowly, I'm gaining on my foe
he glances back so as to see
who it is that's running so
Three fourths now around the oval track
breath coming hard, harsh and loud
rival's strides becoming slack
I draw even, heedless of the crowd
Neck and neck down the last stretch
we both will our weary legs to run
in my side I feel a painful catch
a few more yards the relay will be done
The finish line! then stop real slow
so close we both await the call
whoever wins both athletes know
the thrill of having given all
Comments
Victory...
teammate can be one word
Some great sounds (er and e) in the wording of verses two and three... giving good rhythm...
In verse two "weary" eyes doesn't seem right but I don't have a good suggestion.
Verse three, "eyes in front of me" perhaps gaze or stare in front of me
Last line of verse five perhaps won instead of done, but just a word choice or consistent with the title.
Interesting poem that I take literally about a relay race... former track man or have you been watching track meets?
hello
Thanks for the read and good suggestions. I will most likely use some in edit. And yes, it is about a race. The main message being that to give one's all is a victory in itself. Yes I am a former track,(440 dash,relays,pole vault and long jump)football, and tennis player. Couldn't tell by looking at me now lol.......stan