Against our will
spins on the mill,
with gold we fill
our times or spill.
In health, in ill
in pain, in thrill,
we cry, we trill
till fits the bill,
then comes the will
to solemnly still
to solemnly still.
Jul 30, 2018
Until then
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
as i mentioned to Greg i8t is pretty tough to maintain the aaaaaa...rhyme sequence through and through....nicely done..an epitaph is about someone dead...i couldn't understand how this poem connects to that meaning...please excuse my ignorance
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Raj
Maybe I'm wrong. I thought an epitaph is something we write on the tomb that shows someone beliefs.
Let me check.
Don't know if you read the last few words
Much appreciate the visit.
yes Rula that's what is said
yes Rula that's what is said about epitaphs ....writings about the dead may be even on tombs...i am trying to figure out how this poem connects to it...
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Thank you
For bringing this to my attention. I edited.
Rula
reads good now with change in the title which is succinct
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I wonder
which end reads better for you
Thank you for coming back after the edit.
Rula
For me it's # 1 where solemn is a key word..
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Raj
thank you for letting me know.
Much appreciate your help.
Hello dear Rula
Its difficult to make sense using so few words(two beats in each line) and following a single rhyme scheme; BUT YOU SUCCEEDED. Well done.
Hello dear tyro
Sorry for the belated reply. You know it makes my heart good to see you on my page and read your comment.
Thank you!