scribbler
Jun 03, 2017

UNBARRED GATE

I'm fairly content in my place,
things go mostly well for me
and there's hardly any trace
of what I potentially could be.

I keep myself behind strong walls
which keep the world from breaking in
and mutes potential when it calls.
I hear it but turn back within.

But at times I trace the bounds
by walking around long wall's girth
and think about those beckoning sounds
and what else there might be on earth.

On each round I pass a gate
every time at the same place.
Every time I stop and wait
perhaps with longing on my face.

This gate has no bars or locks.
The slightest nudge would open it.
Is it some kind of paradox
which keeps me from approaching it?

Today I face it once again
and hear the freedom from outside.
The hinge is fragile, the wood's thin.
Why is it every time I hide?

Free verse version :

I'm pretty happy in this place
where things go pretty well for me
although it lacks all hint
of what, with effort, I might become

But here I stay tucked safe inside
from the fearful roiling world.
But even here muted potential
whispers
but I turn

But still I walk this prison's walls
while think about those beckoning sounds
wondering what else might be.

And every time I pass this gate
and every time I stop and wait
for...what?

This gate has no locks, no bars
indeed it has begun showing cracks
Why do I hesitate?

And here I am again
before tottering gate
listening.
Why don't I open it?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Once in a while i can't decide what form to write a poem in so here this one is in free verse and western classic........stan

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

jane210660

I love this poem and the questions it poses. I have definitely stood at that gate and wondered about pushing through.
Very interesting you wrote it in two forms. I like them both, but probably prefer the first, western classic version.
Have you any preference, is there one you feels shouts out above the other?
Jx

S

Thank you. I find it a good idea to venture into free verse on occasion just so folks won't dismiss me as just another old fashioned rhymer lol. In this instance I think I agree that the first version sounds a bit better. appreciate your dropping in as always.......stan

jane210660

Just re read and this line stood out as a bit awkward

'of what I might could really be.'

Is might needed? I would have thought might or could but not both.
Jx

S

are correct. I am not happy with it either . It's too twisted and will be fixed before too long. Good thing about workshop site is I can post raw stuff and improve it down the road lol......stan