Seren
Seren
Feb 16, 2023
This poem is part of the challenge:

February 2023 Challenge Chariot To Hell 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Twenty horses & A Chariot to Hell

Consumed within the quiet
I fail to notice death arrive
he drove a chariot from hell
yet I felt no fear inside

As I climbed aboard
I shed my earthly dress,
a shroud of stardust glided
down across my breast

As we started moving
I asked where we would go
but the twenty horses pulling
they looked to me to know

I didn't see us take off
these beauties pulled so slow
death said he wanted me
to once more see and flow

We passed the setting sun
climbing into the dark night
we grazed a moon so bright
yet I knew not fear of blight

into the night we climbed
past castles made of light
over oceans of bright stars
green comets in my sight

I finally had to ask
when would I arrive
would I know hellfire
like the burning bride

Or will the steeds lead us
onward up to the heaven
would I see my ancestors
gathering at Eleven

When death removed his hood
I cinched my eyes real tight
finally when I opened them
my heart was free of fright

Death was gazing down
asked why I had felt fear
my task on earth completed
Love waits for you my dear

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I wanted to call this Twenty horses & Chariot from hell but that wouldn't have met the challenge.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

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More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

what you have written is so very lovely! I cannot chose favorite lines, for they all resonate. you are a wonderful story teller... a natural!

* love, siscat

Seren

I am absolutely blown away at how you liked this one, I am surprised at how everyone likes it if im honest I didn't think it was that good but then I never know if they are any good until y'all give me your feedback.

thanks for reading this one and I apologise for the late reply I thought I'd already replied to everyone it's been a big week!

love you always Lilbit xox

Rula

Rula

2 years 2 months ago

what a great take of the theme. I am trying to come up with sth to meet the challenge but can't really think of anything good that would compete with such an entry. You and the others are giving hard time to the judges.
best wishes dear.

Seren

Thank you so much for your kind comment, I actually bubbled this one in my mind all day, it's how I do it they needle at my mind until I go there it is! and then I write it down.

I have read a few of the entries I don't know if I have read them all I will have to go take a look, I think there are some really good entries in this competition I am glad I am not the one judging all of them.

thanks for your visit it is so good to see you again I am going to be reading later tonight and I plan on paying you a visit.

hugs and love Jayne x

Rosewood Apothecary

I also love the heavens and they love me back for all time. We them our allegiance and most of the ancient people revered the movements of the celestial bodies.

This is reminiscent of Earendil the mariner sailing across the night sky with the Silmaril in full radiance upon his brow.

So damn beautiful
Tim

Seren

If I have a love it's the night it's when I feel the most alive, I'm never happier than on a starry night with the full moon shining, but I also like the nights when there is no moon and all the stars are out.

Omg you've done it again I had to delete a little of my comment I think another poem has been born, that's twice your comments have inspired something.

You could not have given me a greater compliment, to compare this in any way to Earendil the Mariner, well to say I am chuffed is an understatement.

Kind regards Jayne

Poets Hand

As usual your poem is breathtaking in imagery as well as being insightful. Not knowing where you are going or when you would arrive adds mystery to the fantastic nightscape you paint.

I loved it from start to finish.
Poets Hand
Hannah

Poets Hand

As usual your poem is breathtaking in imagery as well as being insightful. Not knowing where you are going or when you would arrive adds mystery to the fantastic nightscape you paint.

I loved it from start to finish.
Poets Hand
Hannah

Seren

Thank you so much your kind comments they are always appreciated, I got a little turned around with life this week and I thought I had already answered everyone on this one maybe it was only in my mind lol,

I'm really glad you liked it I always come away from your work feeling like ive been on another adventure, you're truly are a naturally gifted storyteller.

Love Jayne x

Lightning Dust

You have marked your place in heaven, your mind already lives in the stars.

This is so beautiful girl. I cried.

Love from us both L&J

Jane just said it reminds her of an Emily Dickinson poem we're both racking our brains here.

Seren

Thanks so much for your kind comment I really do appreciate it very much, I hope you're starting to feel better, and I know it may take some time.

(((((healing hugs)))))

love to you both J xox

RoseBlack

Just incredible... absolutely love everything about this! You made that last ride truly magical! Well done!

Seren

Thank you so much for your read and your very kind comment, Glad you enjoyed the ride!!!

love and biggest hugs Jayne

Geezer

I waited with baited breath, for the final destination!
Only problem I saw was the [steeds] bringing you to heaven.
Love this! Why fear death? He's not always a spectere to be feared.
Sometimes, he is very gentle. Good job!

Visit my poem: "Death is a Gentleman"

~ Geez.
.

Seren

Thanks so much for the catch I don't know how that happened, it's not a word I would ever spell wrong, but I did, lol good catch anyway!! I'm really glad you liked this one I went on the ride hoping I could make the ride as smoothly as possible.

I will take a look later tonight at that poem you suggested I truly appreciate the visit, the read and my spelling mistake!!

love an higgliest bugs Sis xox

Leslie

I WOUDN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE THAN HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID. VERY WELL WRITTEN. I HAD NEVER CONTEMPATED THIS VIEW. INTERESTING HOW EACH POET REACHES SIMILAR DESTINATIONS FROM SO MANY
DIFFERENT ANGLES. THANK YOU FOR THE TRIP!

Leslie

I WOUDN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE THAN HAS ALREADY BEEN SAID. VERY WELL WRITTEN. I HAD NEVER CONTEMPATED THIS VIEW. INTERESTING HOW EACH POET REACHES SIMILAR DESTINATIONS FROM SO MANY
DIFFERENT ANGLES. THANK YOU FOR THE TRIP!

Seren

It's funny how we can all take three words and turn them into different worlds, I am really glad you liked this one I truly do appreciate it. Thank you for the visit and the read its truly appreciated.

kind regards Seren/Jayne

S

I might as well remove my poem for this contest

M

I went on that chariot ride reading this and I loved the ending
"Death was gazing down
asked why I had felt fear
my task on earth completed
Love waits for you my dear"

And it does, and it will, and it shall.

This was beautifully written and I loved your visuals. Like I said it put me on that chariot ride right along beside you.

Great job!