scribbler
Mar 09, 2011

TRYING ANYTHING ONCE(the sequel) a HAIKU

Dug this out of old site (stored on paper) And decided to post my 1st Haiku here again

They say a poet at least should try
every form beneath the sky
not doing so retards his growth
like breaking some poetic oath

So Japanese I guess I'll try
"looked it up" so that I
won't come out a total fool
this form is just another tool

Haiku was there and something new
a form that is called "Senryu"
both governed more by length than flow..........*no limit on title length
time to begin, so here I go

..............Title( for both poems).....
EPIC TALE OF HAIR LOSS, SUBSEQUENT REALIZATION OF OWN MORTALITY FOLLOWED BY CAUTIOUS OPTIMISM............as translated by Kia Toyota

Haiku

Where has my hair gone?
guess this means my death is near
I hope not too soon

Senryu

Hair
..today
...gone
....tomorrow

Whew!, now that was really tough
title alone was quite enough
to make my head ace half a day
unsure if I like this way

Tense concentration made me sick
took great effort to make it click
too limited amount of words to pick
think I'll stay with my "classic"

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I'm gradually posting my stuff from old site and hope to not bore ya'll too much when I do

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

S

When I try a new form I usually try to beat others to the punch by making a little fun of myself before they get a chance to. I've done a Haiku or two since this that have been well received and will do one on occasion as the proper subject comes up. Always good of you to visit...............stan

M

I will come back to this to give it more time indeed. Something I don't have too much at this moment. I promise and you are worth my time too!!

Love,Mona