Tree Fruitions...... revised twice thanks Judy

thoughts are thrown in here. I especially liked the comparison and the title.

Enjoy the fruits of life while you can! life's too short to let them pass you by - this is the flavour of what you have written!

Love Mand xxxxxx

Good to see you back to writing good pieces, just have a loud read of this one and see if there are changes to be made ??
This could be excellent, Yours Ian..

some suggestions - just my opinion, remember...

as well as the suggested word order changes, i have put in brackets what i would remove

Very well said my friend!
(I say it) takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forwards
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far, (far) away

glad but I am,
many still come my way,
the fragrance of my love alone
do many sway (? sways many? it seems smoother to my ear)

and shall
ere I pass (away, soon
now some day
here I may)
for some time more (stay
as my life
gradually ebbs away!!!)

love judy
xxx

Lol you just altered it as i was writing the above
(Giggles)

love judy
xxx

Because i think this is so good it deserves the final polish

'the fragrance of my love
do many sway'

Grammar. Fragrance is single, so it needs to be
Either
'the fragrance of my love
does many sway'
Or
'the fragrances of my love
Do many sway'

(but i think i still prefer 'sways many' or 'sway many' (the pleural ) as it is otherwise the only old english used and seems (lol to me i stress) out of place
see what others think

love judy
xxx

I've heard it takes a tree
twenty years to bear quality fruit

I have taken five decades
and am still looking forward
to some juicy ones
yet a distance away
somewhere in the background
of a horizon far away

glad but I am
many still come my way
the fragrances of my love alone
sway many

and shall
for some time more
ere I pass

love judy
xxx

Beautifully written ,my friend.

joe