Abstract words and abstract poetry

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Transmogrification...

Racing after the lights
Trying to assume a dominant position
Never achieving satisfaction
The rubber leaving the road

Scarified leather interior bleeds
Life-sign detritus thrown curbside
Blinking lights disbelieving
Horrified end of the trip

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thought I'd try and get a little better grip on what we are trying to achieve.I made some changes as I was making changes... Think it runs better now.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Interesting read

I love the title which ties in so well with the last line of the poem. The first two lines of verse two are intensely descriptive. Typo verse one, line two, dominant.

Thanks Keith...

I have fixed the typo. ~ Gee

not part of this WS

so I don't really know if my comments are pertinent (in my understanding of 'abstract')

But using the word 'car' to start seems to detract from the abstract....
Can I suggest you just begin
'racing after the lights'

I would also suggest you drop 'the' at the beginning of the 4th verse

And
'Throwing life-sign detritus curbside' might read better as 'life sign detritus thrown curbside'

Also, the ending bothered me - not sure why.... I think I would scrub that last line ... or just use the one word 'horrified'

Just me, as you know Gee
interesting write
love judy
xxx