Leanne Hogton
May 09, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week Contest May 7th to May 13th 2023

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Transient Blossom

Beauty and happiness seem to me
As transient as blossom on an apple tree
The two are not linked and I hope you see
Past this decaying carcass that holds the real me

My looks have withered as my waistline expands
My locks have greyed and my eyes have aged
For many years I've had my head in the sand
I now look in the mirror and see my sparkle fade

Every wrinkle tells a tale of extremes
From deep mental trauma to laughing and crying
Every ache in my bones is payment for these
If I say it's not fair I'd truly be lying

But I've lived a good life, I've tried hard to be nice
I've given my love freely without any cost
I'm not saying I'm angelic, I have my vices
Without a hug or a purpose I'd be totally lost

So I say to the mirror "well done, nice try"
For a moment you had me down and upset
I'm going to be me warts and all till I die
Tomorrow will change my view, just you bet

By Leanne Hogton

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lancashire UK

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Transient Blossom," explores the fleeting nature of beauty and happiness. The speaker acknowledges that these qualities are not necessarily linked, and that true beauty lies beyond the physical decay of the body. The poem then delves into the speaker's own experience of aging, with the physical changes that come with it. However, the speaker ultimately takes a positive outlook, recognizing the value of a life well-lived and the importance of being oneself.

One suggested line edit would be to change "carcass" to a less harsh word, as it may detract from the overall message of the poem. For example, "vessel" or "shell" could be used instead.

Overall, this poem effectively conveys the message that beauty and happiness are fleeting, but that true value lies beyond the physical realm. The personal experience of aging adds depth and authenticity to the poem, and the positive outlook at the end is a refreshing and uplifting conclusion.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rosewood Apothecary

Pretty tight rhythms here. Subject matter is affirmative and very accessible to the average reader. I’m really impressed with this poem. You e certainly done your best here and I believe that is true about your day to day living. Self awareness coupled with willingness to change is a super power.

Tim

Ruby Lord

Great poem, I enjoyed the meter and the rhythm and almost sang it, ha ha. Nice imagery too, I loved the blossom on a tree, line. Ruby :)