I pulled off the two-lane California Highway.
Searching for my independence at seventeen.
The sign said:
FRUIT CUTTERS WANTED - $1.50 PER CRATE!
The Mexican women were no doubt puzzled
by the presence of someone so young –
and white, if I’m being honest,
whose blisters and cuts would likely be plentiful
by the end of the warm summer day.
The elderly woman standing next to me
placed the sliced fruit onto sun-greyed wooden trays
laid out before us with the skill of a card dealer in Vegas.
Watching me fumble, she gently but firmly
took the butt of my knife from my hand and showed me,
without words, how to earn a living wage with it
She handed the knife back to me,
watching me apply what she had just taught,
while making necessary and merciful corrections.
I began again to fill the wooden flat with sliced fruit
faster now, amidst a harvest with stories to tell,
and a humanity set deep in her eyes.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Title: Trabajador Agricola
The poem effectively captures a moment of cultural exchange and learning, focusing on the experience of a young individual working alongside Mexican fruit cutters. The imagery and setting are vivid, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the scene.
To improve the poem, consider the following suggestions:
1. The line "and white, if I’m being honest," could be rephrased to maintain the flow of the poem. For example, you might replace it with "and white, to be candid," which maintains the same meaning but reads more smoothly.
2. In the line "The elderly woman standing next to me," consider replacing "elderly" with a more specific age or a description that conveys her experience and wisdom. This would add depth to the character and strengthen the connection between her and the narrator.
3. The phrase "the skill of a card dealer in Vegas" is an interesting simile, but it may not be the most fitting comparison for the situation. Consider using a metaphor that better reflects the agricultural setting and the woman's expertise.
4. The line "while making necessary and merciful corrections" might benefit from a more concise phrasing. For example, you could replace it with "making needed, merciful corrections."
5. The poem's ending could be strengthened by adding a few lines that convey the lasting impact of this experience on the narrator. This would provide a more satisfying conclusion and emphasize the significance of the encounter.
Overall, the poem effectively tells a story of cultural exchange and personal growth. By refining the language and imagery, the poem's impact can be further enhanced.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I never...
cut fruit, [I assume citrus fruit] but I did peel and core apples for a while, and it is a tough job. I also wasn't lucky enough to have such a kindly tutor. The knives are sharp and the admonishment of don't bleed on the product just as sharp! I have a great respect for the migrant-workers that come here to work in the picking industry, doing jobs that many people here don't want because of the hard work and low-wages. Not that there aren't people of our country who will do the job, there are! It is just that many won't. I see and hear many of our youth today, that will not do what they consider menial jobs. I could go on about the lack of those who will, but I digress. I found your piece a tribute to those that have respect for hard, honest work
and the kindness from them to those who will share in it. Very nicely done. ~ Geezer.
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Trabajador Agricola
Hello, Michael,
Reminiscent of John Steinbeck. I imagine there is so much more to such an experience. Strong final line. Really liked this from the title all the way to the end.
Thank you!
L